Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Cruel and Unusually Vacant -- Why is Prison Suddenly so Tough?

The news is abuzz with issues surrounding alleged cruel and unusual punishment, which is apparently mentioned somewhere in the Constitution, probably next to that provision granting the right to sodomy. As the Ebb & Flow Institute's Honorary Chair of the Department of redundancy Department of the Ebb & Flow Institute, we here at the Institute are greatly concerned about the goings on in our criminal justice system. For that reason, we have engaged in a great deal of research by watching dozens of women in prison movies.

In more recent news, wardens have engaged in some incredibly cruel treatment of largely innocent prisoners just trying to follow reasonable rules.

In Misery, I mean Missouri, the Warden has banned all video games, even games with rehabilitative potential.

Meanwhile, at GitMo, our Federal government is denying Islamic prisoners their religiously protected right to terminate their own life.

In Wisconsin, they are so cruel that after years of hormone therapy, poor Donna Dawn Konitzer, f/k/a Scott Konitzer, may never know the joy of touching his, her, uh, own female genitalia.
Meanwhile, it isn't getting easier to enforce the law either in order to send women or even men to prison.

In Las Vegas, the right to know the law is apparently enough to thwart the BushReich's anti-lap dance law. The money argument?

City attorneys told Loehrer touching is illegal when dancers engage in
contact aimed at sexually arousing the customer. But defense lawyer James
Colin argued the lack of specifics makes it impossible to enforce the law.
"It's too confusing," Colin said. "No one knows."

I'll bet that Mrs. On and Mrs. J know.

Not to be out done, a fetus recently argued that imprisonment in a jail while residing inside the mother that killed the fetus's would be sibling was unconstitutional. Somehow, the Judge ignored that poor fetus's rights, probably citing Roe v. Wade.

It isn't getting any easier for lawmakers either. In Israel, female legislators, not satisfied with having a career that allows them to make child support harder to avoid, also apparently want to wear red and not be compared to hookers. The rabbi making the comparison was later heard to say that "all Muslims are not suicide bombers, but all suicide bombers are Muslim. And all women that wear red may not be hookers, but all of the hookers that I know wear red." Cassandra, who looks smoking in red we are told, could not be reached for comment.

Finally, in Tennessee, wear nothing sucks like a Big Orange, Democratic state senator John Ford is simply too busy to engage in lawmaking, what with supporting two houses, paying a sexual harassment judgment, and taking care of 5 children in two families and all. In a remarkable coincidence, "the Memphis Democrat heads a Senate committee that guides the state's child welfare policies, and for the past year he's tried to make use of a law he authored that keeps court-ordered support lower when a father is financially responsible for other children."

The legal system is a tough place to navigate. Wear a helmet.

The staff's concern for women's prison conditions results in long hours of research.