Saturday, December 04, 2004

Major Explosion---Institute Reports Minimal Damage

Houston Chronichle Photo

I am sorry we are so slow to report in on this as I know many of you were concerned when you turned on the news this morning and saw that there had been a major explosion in Houston. Well, we are okay, we are 6 to 7 miles from the blast site so the damage was minimal. It was damn loud and the walls shook in a manner reminiscent of a sonic boom. When the blast occurred half of the staff lost their heads running from the front window to the back door, hair standing up on their backs, spittle spraying as they barked their fool heads off. As the head of the institute I of course provided steady calm leadership through the crisis.

We didn't know what had actually occurred until much later since we have sworn off the local news. I have no use for it, if I want to know the latest advancements in and who is getting breast implants I have the internet. Nor do I care how the local strippers fared after the superbowl, how it could have been much better but carpetbaggin' dancers from all over the country descended on our fair city during super week, horning in, so to speak, on our local girls business. Some find stories on how Formica is killing our children useful, I plan to take my chances on my own thank you anyway.

I have been delayed in reporting in because Mrs On had what she seemed to think was more pressing so I let her have access to the internet on her computer. You see we have an arrangement. I of course handle the big stuff, like relations with our European allies, nuclear proliferation and tax policy. She handles trivial matters like making sure the mortgage is paid and finding a tenant for our rental property. She also changed our home phone service as well as our cell phone plans, saving us enough to more than pay for broadband. Amazing, I don't know how she did it, that isn't my department. But it is a good thing, our current system of armwrestling to determine who gets on the internet has got to go. Oh sure, she might appear to be a lovely, sweet, very petite little Chinese woman with a bun in the oven, but let me tell you, she is scrappy.