Monday, March 21, 2005

The Ebb & Flow Institute Hires New Analyst

For Immediate Release

The Ebb & Flow Institute, a public policy research foundation dedicated to liberty, human dignity, limited government and maximum suckitude today announced the addition of The Onlette™ , to an already impressive team of analysts and research fellows.

The Onlette™, who will be available for a press conference after she has undergone an Institute orientation released the following statement......

I am so tickled to be joining the crew at the Institute I could just wet myself. Ever since I was born I have wanted to give something back to the humankind, and even though I have not met very many humankinds I still want to give something back. What better way to give back than by sucking?

"We have been pursuing The Onlette™ for months, but our busy schedules have made it difficult to arrive at a mutually acceptable agreement", stated Pile On® the resident of the John Locke Chair at the Ebb & Flow Institute. "We are very impressed with her, we understand she has been sucking for a living since moments after she was born. We normally do not offer guaranteed contracts, but we made an exception in the case of The Onlette™, this girl sucks like a bucket of ticks," Mr. On went on. "She is a little green compared to our other analysts, but she comes highly recommended and above all else we value suckitude here at the Institute, we expect great things from her", Mr. On continued going on.