Monday, March 14, 2005

An Alarming Threat To Life As We Know It

Frequent visitors to the Ebb & Flow Institute know that we are very skeptical of alarmists and their alarming messages of alarm. But, given a healthy skepticism we are aware that there are threats in this world to what we consider a healthy society.

Recently I was invited to attend the screening of a new documentary that has me concerned.....very concerned. There have been nerds and geeks since the beginning of human civilization. For the most part, they have never posed much of a threat to society. The recessive nerd gene has been closely linked to an intelligence gene, therefore many geeks actually contributed to society working as computer programmers or engineers.

Rarely have those who expressed the geek phenotype without also having the intelligence gene lived past adolescence. Today, in many first world countries this is no longer the case.

In short our prosperity, may in fact, be endangering our future. Nerds of low IQ, are now able to survive well into their reproductive years. This alone would pose a negligible danger, most non-geeks of normal intelligence have an instinctual aversion to mating with geeks, and the expression of the geek gene is rare enough that geeks mating with geeks has always been a rare occurrence in nature.

Modern chat-room technology is now making it possible for geeks to seek out other geeks over large geographic areas. And that dear friends is a problem. Not only can we expect a rise in the geek population but they have also shown the ability to use the skill of getting their groove on to democratic advantage.

Dealing with this gathering threat poses a moral dilemma for us at the Institute. The Nazis' tried to improve the gene pool using draconian measures, that we can not, and will not endorse. It was also folly. Because a recessive gene can be carried without being expressed it would take a thousand generations of controlled breeding to eliminate the geek genotype. Not a very comforting thought, now is it?

We feel that, like all modern problems, awareness is the best answer. All of us have the civic duty to be aware of what a low IQ geek is, how to identify them and to encourage them not to seek out what they call, their "soulmate".

Things to look out for.

1. Excessive mouthbreathing and the accompanying dependence on chapstick.
2. Carrying tater tots in the pockets of their pants.
3. Clumsiness and or jerky movements.
4. A strange gait, often with the upper body leaning forward, and arms extended to the rear when traveling at higher speeds.
5. Frequent use of words like gosh, idiot, bodaggit and killer.
6. Head down, eyes nearly closed and an almost sedated like behavior.
7. They have learned not to use nunchakus, but they may often bring them up in conversation.
8. Eating microwaved steaks while standing at the kitchen counter.

We are asking that all citizens be aware of geeks, we can no longer live in denial of this growing threat to our way of life.

Don't forget to order your geek awareness ribbon from the Institute gift shop