Sunday, April 17, 2005

Feelings Post Tax Day

Because the facts aren't important. What is important is how you feel about them.

In West Virginia, lawmakers were surprised that they had voted English the official language of the state when the law was attached to another bill.

The language was inserted into a bill that deals with the number of members that cities can point to boards of parks and recreation. It was put in there by the Senate majority whip as a flurry of bills were moving back and forth between the House and Senate on Saturday. And he said he told legislators the amendment "clarifies the way in which documents are produced."

However, one lawmaker who has fought English-only bills said, "It's wrong that's something like that was snuck into that bill in the last minute."

When asked if the law would discriminate against immigrants, one lawmaker replied, "Naw, not really. No one moves to the United States to come to West Virginia. Besides, we don't really require residents to speak English all that well."

A drunk sues his former employer, a bar, for serving him when it knew he was a drunk. He then was charged with DUI. Yes, he has a lawyer.


An 81 year old woman had a little problem with her test drive. She drove backwards, hitting her husband and the salesman, then another car and a tree, before coming to rest against a wall.

"She must have panicked," said Joe Sica, sales manager at Honda of Fort Myers.

The new Honda Accord shot backward after Dorothy Byrum got behind the wheel and apparently stepped on the wrong pedal Wednesday. The open car door hit her 88-year-old husband, Robert, and the salesman. Then the car struck the parked car, the tree and the wall. The air bag deployed, and Byrum was not injured.
To add insult to the salesman's injury, she didn't buy the car.


In Florida, boy was suspended for wearing make up to school. He claimed it was in recognition of his Wiccan religion. His momma is a high priestess in the religion.

"If I can't wear makeup," he said, "then the girls or the staff can't wear makeup."
Linda Hill, spokeswoman for the San Bernardino City Unified School District, ... said, however, that students shouldn't wear excessive makeup or clothing that could conceal their identity or be distracting to other students, a prohibition applied to male and female students alike.

His mother said Herndon, who is repeating his second year at the school, has worn makeup since he enrolled.

Well, at least we know he is a bright kid, getting through 9th grade in only two years.


In a related story, Britney Spears is still pregnant. She also reportedly drew breath into her lungs, then exhaled again. Here is a picture of her breathing, so you can, uh, picture it.

Britney Spears, left, shown breathing. Now that she is an expecting mother, she can anticipate having to practice breathing.