Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Take Two Baggies And Call Me In The Morning

The other day I discovered that the North Koreans had developed a new "health water" that not only cured cancer but, judging from the various rare-earth minerals it contained, also probably makes for a nice nuclear inner glow.

It's clear that North Korean scientists are not satisfied to rest on their laurels.


Curative Plastic Sheets Developed
Pyongyang, April 11 (KCNA) -- Curative plastic sheets Nos. 1 and 2 have been developed by scientists in the textile field of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea. They are polypropylene and polyethylene sheets treated in an electronic way.

With the sheets one can cure various diseases by oneself in any places without medical apparatuses and medicines.

When they are pasted to the points to be treated, it helps recover the function of abnormal minute electric current, damaged cells and tissues in human body and activate metabolism. Sheet No.1 is for external wounds such as gash, abscess and burn and sheet No. 2 for internal diseases such as contusion, bone fracture, neuralgia, indigestion, stomach cramps and inflammation.

The years of clinical test shows that patients who had long suffered from sore finger and tympanitis recovered health with one-time use of the sheet and obstinate simple necrosis patients with six-time use. And babies under six months cured pneumonia with the help of the sheets.

This is indeed good news, as it is very difficult for doctors under six months old to get the proper medical apparatuses and medicines to cure pneumonia. Now they can cure it from the safety of their own crib. But I don't know what we're going to do about those obstinant simple necrosis patients. If they'd stop being so pig-headed about it they could probably get cured with three-time use.

The image was swiped from here, so maybe there's hope for the West yet.