From the Halls of Academe
A few assorted snapshots from Pile's first week and a half as a public school chemistry instructor.
"Are you a nice guy."
"Is this class going to be hard?"
"Did you do anything important yesterday?"
"You went to the University of Nebraska? How did you get to Texas?"
"That is a long and sordid tale, full of intrigue, deviance and moral turpitude."
"I got here as quick as I could."
"So when they are giving the mice chemotherapy drugs where your wife works, does their hair fall out?"
"Of course, but they give them little baseball caps so they don't feel self-conscience."
"Uh people, Mr. O needs your complete and undivided."
"I thought you said you were a nice guy."
"So you are saying we are a bad class?"
"No, you are a good class, you have just been behaving badly."
"I am your favorite student, right?"
From the girl who was sound asleep the previous day with her head on her desk and her thumb planted firmly in her pie hole, "Our group would like to do an experiment on sperm."
"We would like to conduct an experiment on what people would rather give us, fifty cents or a dollar."
"What is your hypothesis?"
"We think people would rather give us fifty cents than a dollar."
"How do you propose testing your hypothesis?"
"We would go around the school and ask people which they would rather give us, fifty cents or a dollar."
"I don't like my assigned seat."
"You are in the same seat you were before I assigned seats."
"I know, but the people around me suck."