Headlines Tell The Story

Over the last few weeks I have collected some headlines, some found by me, most by others, and I thought I would share them you. Who writes this stuff?

This is what happens when you elect fish to run your county.
Sharks Force Broward Beach To Close -- headline, Local 10 (TV station), March 29

Why we have experts:
Early classes could deprive teens of sleep, experts say -- headline, CNN.com, March 22

Experts Agree Child, 4, Can't Comprehend Effects of Shooting -- headline, Houston Chronicle, March 15 (cite no longer available)

Youth Weight May Lead to Obesity -- headline, Harvard Crimson, March 15

Why we read books:
Hitler Was Personally Behind Holocaust, Book Says, headline, Reuters, March 22

Why we have studies:
Study: X Chromosome Could Account for Differences Between Sexes -- headline, FoxNews.com, March 16

Malt Liquor Drink of Homeless and Unemployed--Study -- headline, Reuters, March 14

Mental Decline Linked to Alzheimer's -- headline, Al-Jazeera Web site, March 9

His lawyer wanted him to be a strong witness.
Selig Willing to Testify on Steroids -- headline, FoxNews.com, March 14

When will the Gorilla/Monkey partisanship end?
Primates Divided Over Royal Wedding -- headline, Church of England Newspaper, March 18

Why Pirates always write so big.
Buccaneers Ink Bolden -- headline, Local 6, March 29

It is the best thing ever for comedy, he said.
Comedy Camp Leader Testifies in Jacko Trial -- headline, Foxnews.com, March 29

All right -- who's the narc?
Gruesome Chimp Attack Doesn't Surprise Experts -- headline, Arizona Republic, March 5

If this is optimism, maybe I am an optimist.
County Hopes to Prepare for the Worst -- headline, Longview (Texas) News-Journal, March 16

He isn't a very cooperative corpse.
Slaying Victim a Reluctant Witness -- headline, Philadelphia Inquirer, March 17

I got mine for free.
U.S. May Restrict Sale of Social Security Numbers -- headline, Associated Press, March 15

Getting a Tiger into grad school is tough.
Tigers tested before getting past Duke -- headline, Salt Lake Tribune, March 29

I thought the purpose was to mourn the victims.
Funerals are held for shooting victims -- subheadline, Chicago Tribune, March 18

Glad we cleared that up.
Leaders Learn to Be Better Leaders Through Leadership Program -- headline, Woodstock (Ill.) News, March 1

A good friend will be straight with you.
Woman Accused of Naked Dog Wrestling: Friend Says Woman Has Been Acting Strangely Recently -- headline and subheadline, Internet Broadcasting System, March 4

Finally, race and death in Detroit:

Blacks hurt most by death?
Blacks' Higher Death Rate Blamed on Racial Divide --headline, Detroit News, March 10

Black men's death rate exceeds 100%?
Black Men's Death Rate Exceeds That of Whites -- headline, Detroit Free Press, March 10