A Preliminary Inquiry Into Flatuphobia
As many of you know, we have added the study of Grassroots Movements for Change into our already heavy workload at the Institute. One thing we have noticed is that most of these movements by their very nature lack mass popular appeal. One alrt spd rdr noted in a comment here that there may be a segment of our population that would be served by a Grassroots Movement for Change. In his words......
Medical Science has proven beyond a doubt that beans, beans are good for your heart. Gas Up for Healthier Lifestyles was organized to take back the business of men's fitness from the oppressive tyranny of matriarchal etiquette. Too long have men suffered under the yoke of so-called “civilized manners” that attempt to prevent Chili-loving men everywhere from carrying out their God-given right to vent methane in a public place! We at GUHL recognize this practice for what is: anti-health and anti-male. (Everyone knows that women never fart.)GUHL seeks to educate men everywhere to heed the clarion call of their ultimate self-expression! We will fight them in the elevator! We will fight them on the escalators! We will even take our fight to the churches of this fair land, trumpeting the rights of men everywhere to advertise their commitment to a healthy lifestyle! Join GUHL today so that one day your children can pass freely across the face of this earth.--spd rdr
Upon reading this I instructed the staff here to do some research on the subject, and frankly I was blown away by the untapped potential for a movement in this area. The idea has already caught on down under, as one Australian group is doing some important work. Australians Against Flatuphobia is serving as a support group for victims of flatuphobia as well as serving as an activist organization to end this hateful victimization.
Have you ever been in a situation where you have had a problem with flatulence and become a social outcast after just one mistake? For example, accidentally let one slip at a board room meeting and been demoted or even sacked. Ever broken wind at a religious service and been banished from all further gatherings. We are a support group who deals with these incidents of victimisation and provides victims with support, advice and encouragement. Our other major function to promote anti flatuphobia in Australia and breaking down the stereotype of flatulence in popular culture.
Their website has testimonials from victims of societies flatuphobia, including this one from a woman in Olinda, Victoria (spd, the potential for this movement includes the fairer sex as well).
"I had worked at Tobin Brothers in Croydon for five years. During one funeral I accidentally let one rip and sent the whole congregation into hysterics. But my boss didn't think it was funny and I was given notice a week later. They said the reason for my sacking was my poor attitude but I am certain it was due to my flatulence problem."
Gut wrenching isn't it? I can relate to this, sometimes as I lay in the fartsack at night I am haunted by a memory from 27 years ago when I was ostracized by my village for a minor transgression. I was ten, and attending the high school graduation of my other brother when a healthy diet, cheap metal folding chairs and a gymnasium with reverberating acoustics conspired against me. I found myself in a situation that I could not discreetly excuse myself from, so I tried to muffle one, like I would have safely done at home on my mothers sofa, but the metal folding chair was not as forgiving. In fact it served as an amplifier in a way that my knowledge of physics cannot explain.
You would not believe the angry looks and sideways glances I received. I thought the whole village was going to arrange a public trial and force me to wear a scarlet F for the rest of my life. I was shunned and humiliated. My only defense was that I couldn't help it, which I thought was a good defense, I mean, would I have done it a second time even louder if I could have prevented it? Even oldest brother On was giving me dirty looks telling me to cool it. I would have thought the man that discovered a nerf basketball was a great way to store the smell of flatuence for weeks, until it was needed, would be a little more understanding.
We at the Institute have reached the conclusion that a movement of this nature could have broad grassroots appeal and help clear the air to end the fear and ignorance that is so pervasive in our society. But since our mission at the Institute is to observe and study, not actually participate in society we can not actively lead this grassroots movement.
Other Related Sites For Your Study
Yapoo "The Fart" for all you ever wanted to know about farts but didn't know who to ask. Knowledge is power.
Farting Dog Harmonics - Farting dogs. Click on each dog to hear a different fart.
The Farting Survey--contribute to their research by taking the survey.
The Blue Dart Page--WARNING, this site contains graphic video of people igniting their flatuence.
The Gassy Girl-- this one is rather self explanatory.
Fun With Farts--free bulletin board and professional farting discussion groups.