Saturday, October 22, 2005

A Moment of Reflection with The Onlette™

Hello everybody!

I have a few thoughts I would like to share with you today, but first I want to thank my employer, the head of this august Institute, Mr. On, for giving me the microphone, so to speak, to address the entire world, in its entirety.

As many of you know, the Houston Astros are in the World Series, which begins today. This occassion has special meaning for me, as the Astros season has paralleled my own career here at the Institute in almost every way.

I don't know much about the Chicago White Sox, who as many of you know are the Astros opponent in the World Series. I have nothing against them mind you, but here at The Institute we ignore the American League as a matter of principle. As Pile says, baseball is a game of nine players, an extra roster slot making the players union happy and an easier job for the manager does not endear your league to us. Nosiree.

So I have endeavored to learn a little about the White Sox, and what I have learned has left me shocked and more than a little appalled. Did you know that in one of every four World Series appearances the White Sox have taken money to throw the series? As someone who works with statistics everyday in my job, I find that high a percentage of series throwing appalling and more than a little shocking. If it were just three percent, or even ten percent, I might not even bring it up, but twenty five percent?

I felt I should give the White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen a call to see if he could allay my shock and more than a little appalledness. So I called him up and I said "Ozzie, durn it, can you allay my fears that the White Sox are going to throw the series like they have in one of every four previous World Series appearances?" Ozzie told me I have nothing to worry about, and I take him at his word. I do feel better, I do not want the Astros first World Series victory to be remembered as just another White Sox scandal. Nope. Don't want that.

So anyway, I gave Scrap Iron (the Astros manager) a call to tell him that the White Sox were probably not going to throw the series, and I asked him what he thought of his teams chances. He said, "The Onlette, I have a good feeling about this, most smart peoples are picking us in 6 and I think that is about right. The White Sox are going to go home unhappy. Maybe they should have taken the money. Again."

So that is all I have today. When does the game start?

The Onlette™