Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Does Your Hair Reflect Your Corrupt Capitalist Lifestyle?

North Korea has launched an intensive media assault on its latest arch enemy - the wrong haircut. A campaign exhorting men to get a proper short-back-and-sides has been aired by state-run Pyongyang television.

The series is entitled Let us trim our hair in accordance with Socialist lifestyle.

Stressing hygiene and health, it showed various state-approved short hairstyles including the "flat-top crew cut," "middle hairstyle," "low hairstyle," and "high hairstyle" - variations from one to five centimetres in length.

The high hairstyle, would that be the Kim Jong Il Elvis flip back do? I hope so, I always thought that expressed an exemplary level of communist fervor.

The programme allowed men aged over 50 seven centimetres of upper hair to cover balding.

Good, the comb over is a time honored tradition, and it is very effective at hiding ones anti-revolutionary balding.

It stressed the "negative effects" of long hair on "human intelligence development", noting that long hair "consumes a great deal of nutrition" and could thus rob the brain of energy.

I have my doubts about this. Hair, not unlike rust, never sleeps. Even if you cut it, it just keeps growing. When you sleep, hairs growing. When you run to the Kwik Stop for a pack of Salem lights and a Slim Jim, hairs a growin'. But I don't doubt it is robbing my brain of much needed energy. It is like a parasite, growing out of my nose and ears sapping my body of essential nutrients.

People who wear other's style of dress and live in other's style will become fools and that nation will come to ruin.