EFI Morning Report With Your Host Pile On®

Radical Cleric Misses Hearing-Needs Pedicure


I wanted a pedicure, but Allah wasn't willing.

LONDON (Reuters) - Radical Muslim cleric Abu Hamza al-Masri failed to appear before a British court Tuesday, complaining his toe nails were too long and he could not walk.

Abu Hamza, who is also wanted by the United States over 11 alleged offences, was charged by British police last year on 16 counts including one terror-related offence.

He had been due to make an appearance via video-link from the high-security Belmarsh jail in London where he is being held.

"Hamza has physical difficulties. He is unable to walk. He has been perambulating barefoot around the prison," said defense lawyer Peter Hynes.

Prosecutor Adina Ekiel added: "He is complaining that his toe nails are too long."

I guess nail clippers must be a plot of the Zionist entity, but Abu is far too wise to fall for it.

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Spam King Agrees To Stop Behaving Like An Ass


CONCORD, N.H. Jan 4, 2005 — Under an agreement with the Federal Trade Commission, a man known as the "Spam King" will stop infecting computers with advertising programs until a federal lawsuit against him is resolved.

Stanford Wallace and his companies, SmartBot.net Inc. of Richboro, Pa., and Seismic Entertainment Productions Inc. of Rochester, are required by the agreement to send online ads only to people who visit their Web sites.

The government says Wallace used spyware to infiltrate computers, overwhelming them with ads and other programs. Then, he tried to sell programs he claimed would fix the problems. The government said the remedies do not work.

"The commission does believe this is great relief for consumers until the matter is ultimately resolved in the courts," said Laura Sullivan, a lawyer for the FTC. "This provides wonderful protection for consumers in the interim."

That was certainly nice of him, suddenly I feel less like gutting him like a fish....well not really.

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Cosmetic Procedures Gaining Popularity Among Men


PORTLAND, Ore. Jan 4, 2005 — Craig Sowash, a 43-year-old sales manager with a pulp and paper company, says he feels more confident with customers ever since he had the wrinkles on his face smoothed out with a few injections.

And if he ever needs a little surgery at some point to produce permanent results, he says, "I won't be shy about pulling the trigger."

Competition for corporate jobs among aging baby boomers, along with quicker, cheaper and less invasive techniques, and greater attention to grooming among men are helping drive an increase in cosmetic procedures among the male of the species.

Botox injections, which won Food and Drug Administration approval for wrinkle-reducing in 2002 but had already come into fairly widespread use by the end of the 1990s, were the most popular cosmetic procedure for both men and women in 2003, with nearly 334,000 procedures for men and 2.56 million for women, according to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons. Botox treatments typically cost about $200 to $400.

Traditional plastic surgery rose about 10 percent among men and 14 percent among women from 2002 to 2003, according to society figures. Nose jobs were the most popular surgical procedure among men, followed by eyelid surgery and liposuction.

Doctors say they are seeing more and more men trying to take years off their looks.
"Men feel that doing some of these procedures gives them a foot up in the business world, a competitive edge," said Dr. Marla Ross, a dermatologist in suburban Tigard who gave Sowash wrinkle-reducing injections of Restylane.

Ross also said the age range of her patients has widened, with most of them between 35 and 55. Occupations vary dramatically, from waiters "right up to CEOs of big companies."

"You see a lot in the media about `metrosexuals,' or men who are dressing well and taking care of themselves," Ross said. "Probably 15 years ago that would have been ridiculed and now it's acceptable."

Is it just me, or is a little ridicule healthy for society? Of course that is easy for me to say, as I get older I just get better looking.