Dropping Trau--A Risky Scheme

Boston Globe editor Bryan Marquard

A Boston Globe editor was arrested for "open and gross lewdness'' after two young women complained he turned up at their front door "naked and masturbating.''

According to a police report of the alleged incident, the women - who are Marquard's neighbors - arrived home early in the morning of Dec. 20 and shortly thereafter, heard a knock on their door.

"When the victims answered the door, they observed the suspect, Marquard, standing outside in the hallway, in front of their apartment door, naked and masturbating in front of them.''

The women said it was the second time the Globie had put on a peep show for them.
"Approximately three weeks ago, as they arrived home, they noticed that the suspect's door was open and he was sitting in a chair in plain view steering (sic) at them masturbating,'' the police report says.

As many of you know I am something of an expert on women, so trust me when I tell you this is not the way to a womans heart. There is no legal shortcut past dinner, a movie, charming small talk and feigned interest in a woman's life.

If I could only give men one piece of advice, it would be to try and be more Pile-like. If you do undertake the risky scheme of droppin' trau, be warned, one of two things will happen. You will be arrested, or become the darling of the Democrat party.