Monday, January 31, 2005

News Brief With Your Host Pile On®

Democrats Launch Pre-Emptive Strike

Top Democrats today launched a unilateral pre-emptive strike on President Bush's State of the Union address. Led by House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi the democrats rushed headlong into a poorly planned and ill-conceived unilateral assault on the upcoming speech, "You really don't have to have very good communication skills if you have a couple of hundred people who will jump to their feet when you recite the ABCs," Pelosi stated.

Top scholars at the Ebb & Flow Institute expressed their dismay at this "go it alone strategy" stating, "we think they jumped the gun a bit here, did they exhaust all diplomatic channels to settle this peacefully before rushing cowboy style into war? We haven't even seen the speech yet, couldn't they have given the inspectors a chance to do their jobs before this senseless expense of political capital"?


Democracy Eruption In Iraq Baffles Scientist

Democracy spewed forth from the earth yesterday in Iraq in what appears to be a first of it's kind natural phenomenon, leaving many top thinkers in Europe and Massachusetts baffled. "It just happened and we have no idea how or why," stated one leading expert speaking on the condition of anonymity.

This occurrence happened just months after the US led coalition turned authority over to a provisional government and a mere 22 months after an invasion and overthow of the brutal dictator Saddam Hussein, leaving many to wonder what might have been had Bush actually had "a plan" for the post war.


Institute Computer Dead At Age 5

In other news, the main computer at the Ebb & Flow Institute mysteriously died today in what is being called a "grizzly painful death". "We find it rather odd that this would happen on a day when the asshats are running amok and now time is short", Pile On stated. "It is curious, but we had no choice but to put her down", On went on.