Monday, February 14, 2005

Monday's Feelings II

Because the facts do not matter. What matters is how you feel about them.

This is probably my only contribution this week. Enjoy.

Cookie Hating Woman Still Sucks

Follow up: Sad, pathetic excuse for a human being Renea Young is just having an awful time of it since she won an $890 judgment against two teenagers who knocked on her door to give her cookies.
The Colorado woman who sued two girls after they made an anonymous, nighttime cookie delivery said she and her family have been the target of hate mail, harassing phone calls and even death threats.
"This isn't about cookies," Renea Young told "Good Morning America." "It's not about a couple of girls out spreading cheer. It's about a horrible experience for me and my family."

I do not feel as sorry for this woman as I do her husband and daughter. The woman added, they brought me chocolate chip cookies, but I really had my heart set on Macedonian nuts.

Snow Genitals Found To Be Frigid

Let it snow, let it snow, let it blow.

Georgia Cops Hate MLK

More civil rights abuses in the South. In Columbus, Georgia, a complaint was filed about a police officer's conduct during the MLK Day Parade. It seems that this officer had the insensitivity to eat a banana while working an eight hour day on his feet. Some would say that such consumption of potassium is a good way to get an energy boost and avoid cramps. Others would apparently say that the officer was trying to imply that the People of African descent, but not only dark skinned Africans-Americans joining the march were like apes. No fooling some people.

Beer Wars

Beer me, but please don't fire me. Miller employee photographed with Bud product claims to have lost his job. Pile On could not be reached for comment, but it is understood that the same policy applies to employees and fellows of The Institute.

Sharks Hate Hurricanes -- Not A Sports Headline

As always, I try to find the silver lining. Sure, Florida's 24 hurricanes this year killed some people, delayed a few vacations and damaged a trailer or two, but does anyone stop to think about the reduction in shark attacks?

This Just In: Pile On Not Cheap -- Merely Protecting His Wife's Safety

Pile On's frugality serves many purposes. Some would say he is a cheap SOB. Others would say we always knew that he sucked. It turns out, however, that Pile On just loves his wife, whose misguided instincts to go to the Dollar Store were unsafe. Pile On, realizing that the Dollar Store often hires crazed murdering maniacs, wisely steered her toward the 99 cent store. Kudos to Pile On for looking after Mrs. On's safety.

How does that make you feel.