Tuesday, July 12, 2005

New Study Co-Sponsored by The Cheese and The Institute

In light of the recent unpublished study by PBS in which PBS determined that it was free of left wing bias, No Government Cheese and The Ebb & Flow Institute decided to co-sponsor a study of their own.

The findings of the study were remarkable.

It turns out that Pile On and KJ are the smartest, least biased and most often right people in the entire blogosphere. And that is just when they publish their conclusions. Privately, they are right an even greater percentage of the time, but they don't often publish their conclusions to every issue they face.

For example, earlier today KJ wondered what he was going to have for lunch. He decided that the correct answer would probably be a chicken sandwich and a side salad. It turns out, that is exactly what he had for lunch. He also correctly predicted the location of his car keys and correctly answered a request for his ATM PIN. [Note: KJ even knew that PIN Number would be redundant, as the "N" in PIN stands for "number."] KJ has also been recognized for his ground breaking research of the field of women in prison.

Pile On was reported to have very similar powers of deduction, or induction, depending on the logic he chose to use. For example, he figured out his Blogger password earlier today with just one quick analysis. After successfully logging on, he correctly deduced that he had used the correct username and password. Pile has also been recognized for his study of the quite complex biological wonder that is the Wild Jihadist.

The study also found, unsurprising to most, that all the chicks dig KJ and Pile On, especially when they are just being themselves.

The Cheese and the Institute are considering publishing this study for peer review later. Perhaps. Frankly, we are concerned that all the stupid, biased people in the blogosphere will undermine this fine study through unsubstantiated charges, specious logic, ad hominem attacks or just saying something really stupid. On second thought, it may be best to just keep the study under wraps.

Turns out that conclusion, like most other conclusions made by KJ and Pile On, was right.


UPDATE: Due to increasing demand from the common folk, I have been asked to provide a little more detail of our study. Our study was subject to the following exaulted standards: (1) lots of very intelligent people were consulted; (2) lots of big words were used; (3) all data was subjected to a multiple regression analysis -- it isn't important that you don't know what that is; (4) all data was evaluated in an unbiased manner, as was self evident from the findings of the study that we are unbiased; and (5) the study was subjected to peer review, which is pretty hard to do since the study found that we are right more often than any of our former peers.

Finally, we asked some of the smartest people we know to comment on the study.

Instapundit said, "Heh. Indeed. Read it all."
Hugh Hewitt said, "Morning glory to you. What a great study."
Stephen Hawking said, in his smart sounding computer generated voice, "I think this study may prove that the only hope for figuring out the mysteries of the universe lie in reading No Government Cheese and the Ebb & Flow Institute blogs. Now, will you please turn my artificial lung back on?"
Marilyn Vos Savant said, "This is all just too complicated for me. They must be right."
Karl Rove said, "I am interested in leading Pile In Aught Ocho."
Michael Jackson said, "Who thinks the study might be biased? Hector Vex? That is just ignorant. Just ignorant."

So, there you have it. Intelligent people, big words, multiple regression analysis, smart celebrity endorsements. Now, please stop bothering us with ignorant questions.

This post has been cross-posted at No Government Cheese and Ebb & Flow Institute. As they say, when in Rome.