Saturday, July 30, 2005

Signs Of The Times

Everywhere you go these days, words are vanishing. Part of this is our new multi-culti sensibility. If we can't have twelve official languages, we'll just eliminate as much Engrish as we can and substitute pictures so people don't have to bother to learn the lingua franca of the dominant culture.

Well I'm not having it. English isn't even my first language, but half the time I can't figure out what the hell these signs are trying to get me to do. In the supermarket, I'm reduced to a blubbering, indecisive idiot by "simplified" directions that are supposedly aimed at the comprehension level of your average five-year-old but leave out important steps like, "Place your greeting card on the conveyor belt after scanning so we can suck it halfway into the gearbox several times, leaving huge black marks all over the envelope. Thank you for standing in at The Food Line."

Street signs are the worst. Can anyone tell me what these signs are supposed to mean?

1. The real reason deer are skittish around humans...

2. One day, dolphins will rule the earth. Sig Heil!

3. But only if the women don't take over first.

4. Why can't we be more like Europe?

5. This is what I love about America. Choices.

6. Unless of course John Roberts is confirmed, in which case Choice, like toads, will be Verboten.

7. I always suspected electric cars were a bad idea...

8. Watch for concealed penguins.

9. Swiped from the men's room at NAMBLA.

10. Because stupidity is also a handicap of sorts...

11. Mind the Gap. (all right, bad British joke) And get rid of that chewing gum.

12. Oh, you mean Elm Street...

13. You are now entering a Ranbutan-free Zone.

14. Ever since he started surfing cable porn channels, it seemed to take more and more to get Bob aroused of an evening...

More signs here.