Monday, October 15, 2007

An Important Post on Human Rights

This important post consists of an important open letter from Pile, the chairman of The Ebb & Flow Institute.

Dear humanity,

As you probably know, we here at The Ebb & Flow Institute take human rights very seriously. It is a primary concern. This concern, coupled with the fact that self-improvement is something of a hobby of ours has caused us to take pause when the United Nations Human Rights Committee issued a report that blistered the backside of the United States for numerous human rights violations.

Since the UN Human Rights Committee consists of many nations where human dignity flows freely like semi-potable water from the tap, we have decided to boil this report, then drink deeply.

Human rights violations committed by the United States.

The U.N. Human Rights Committee said poor and black Americans were "disadvantaged" after Katrina, and the United States should work harder to ensure that their rights "are fully taken into consideration in the reconstruction plans with regard to access to housing, education and health care."

The UNHRC says the Dixie Chicks "got a raw deal" from a disapproving public following their criticism of President Bush. Article 17 of the international treaty on human rights states that chick based music ensembles must receive "fully cooked" deals.

Security "pat-downs" of fans at Tampa Bay Buccaneers games are unconscionable, unreasonable and makes us want to cry, stated the UNHRC, throwing into question the practice at NFL games nationwide.

In accordance with UNHRC article 12.3 the right to liposuction must not be infringed upon and must be made affordable and available for the worlds obese poor.

Ashlee Simpson. The export of Ashlee Simpson and Ashlee Simpson byproducts violates the Uruguay Rounds of GATT. The Agreement on Agriculture and Pop Music provides for, export subsidies and or countervailing duties if imports cause "material injury" to domestic producers and or viewer/listeners.

The UNHRC . . . remains concerned that residents of the District of Columbia do not enjoy full representation in Congress, a restriction which does not seem to be compatible with article 25 of the covenant," the report concluded.

Thank you United Nations Human Rights Commission for this constructive criticism. We vow to give it all the attention it merits as we continue our efforts for forge a more perfect Union.

Warmest Regards,