Everyday Hero

You never know when the chance to be a hero might be thrust in your general direction. You just don’t. I keep my eyes open for my shot though. Call it a love of country thing. These days the best opportunity to prove your hero bona fides seems to be while flying. I don’t fly too often but I fly as often as the next guy who doesn’t often fly. When I do fly, I often keep a patriotic eye open. I give the flight attendants that cooperative look of mutual understanding, as if to say, “when you need me, I've got your back..., just give me the signal and I will go all citizen air marshal on some Islamonazi sympathizer with a bladder full of protest pee”.

I do not go looking for trouble. Nope. But when a suspect little daisy goes traipsing up the isle, I am ready to serve my fellow humankinds. And my country. “Yeah, you just take your nitrogenous waste in the lavatory there honey, cuz if you’ve got international answers sister, I’ve got the questions for ya. So go ahead and expose your giblets in the isle little Betty, before one drop of free speech hits the floor I am going to drop you like a fifty pound sack of organically grown whole wheat flour. Say hello to the commercial grade over trafficked airline carpet. B**ch. Hand me the plastic cuffs airline waitress person, I have the situation under control”.

Some guys get to have all the fun.

In other news, if I ever get fired for something I post, I hope it is half this funny.

Mad props and stuff to Ace.