Monday, October 31, 2005

Alito It Is

Honestly I don't know what Bush is thinking here. I am against this nomination and I am calling both of my senators and urging them to slam both of their nuts in a car door.

If you are a SCOTUS-ophile, you just might get cameras in the courtroom though.


Sunday, October 30, 2005

Hey, Let's Go Try This New Thing

Hello Institute patrons, it is that time again where you live vicariously through me, Pile, as I swerve out of the comfortable groove of American life going where the more pedestrian chairman of think institutes only fantasize about going.

On today's episode we travel out of the banal into the untrite Chinese supermarket curiously named the Welcome Market, located on Bellaire avenue in the Southwest region of Houston known as, Chinatown.

What toothsome adventures await us there?

This does not appear to lack in qualities that make for spirit and adventure.

There has been a lot of talk about preserved duck eggs in and around the Institute lately, but the question no one seems capable of answering is, just exactly how are these embryos preserved?

I have heard they use clay, pine needles, concrete powder and even that they bury the eggs in pits of molten mud. As I ponder these methods, none of them seem to answer all of the questions that flood through my eager mind.

Who hasn't gazed with hungry eyes upon the jar of pickled eggs at the end of the bar and thought silently to themselves, "I would eat one or a few of those suckers, if only they were black"?

My nostrils are exhilarated with rapturous wafts of ammonia. I know at this moment, I will never use Mr. Clean again without fond memories of this very moment.

A pessimist would see this as the egg being half gone. Thanks to an Ancient Cajun Secret, I see it as another half egg I have yet to relish.

You must guard against a bout of temporary depression at moments like this, when you come face to face with the sudden realization that, the egg is gone. The egg...... is gone.

It is best to ease back into the ordinary with a delectable room temperature can of Grass Jelly Drink.

The Grand Western Food Corporation of Taichung City, Taiwan did not scrimp on ingredients here. Each 11.3 oz. can is just loaded with real grass jelly!


Friday, October 28, 2005

Friday Vespers--Ask Chairman On Day

Hello and Welcome Institute Patrons to another exciting episode of Friday Vespers here at the all new this old The Ebb & Flow Institute.

Here is what's up. When I don't have time to write there is always something I want to write about. This afternoon I finally have a little time and I am completely uninspired. So if there is something you want me to write about, please let me know.

Inspire me, be my muse.

If you have a question, Lord knows I can answer it. If you need advice, lean on me brother/sister.

Just ask Chairman On. I am here for you.

In the mean time, I give you.... woman with beer.

Disclaimer- Pile will make every effort to respond to every comment and act upon every suggestion, but he reserves the right to ingore any and all of them as well.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Damn It!!

I knew I picked the wrong week to stop changing my underwear.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

A Moment of Reflection with The Onlette™

Hello everybody!

I have a few thoughts I would like to share with you today, but first I want to thank my employer, the head of this august Institute, Mr. On, for giving me the microphone, so to speak, to address the entire world, in its entirety.

As many of you know, the Houston Astros are in the World Series, which begins today. This occassion has special meaning for me, as the Astros season has paralleled my own career here at the Institute in almost every way.

I don't know much about the Chicago White Sox, who as many of you know are the Astros opponent in the World Series. I have nothing against them mind you, but here at The Institute we ignore the American League as a matter of principle. As Pile says, baseball is a game of nine players, an extra roster slot making the players union happy and an easier job for the manager does not endear your league to us. Nosiree.

So I have endeavored to learn a little about the White Sox, and what I have learned has left me shocked and more than a little appalled. Did you know that in one of every four World Series appearances the White Sox have taken money to throw the series? As someone who works with statistics everyday in my job, I find that high a percentage of series throwing appalling and more than a little shocking. If it were just three percent, or even ten percent, I might not even bring it up, but twenty five percent?

I felt I should give the White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen a call to see if he could allay my shock and more than a little appalledness. So I called him up and I said "Ozzie, durn it, can you allay my fears that the White Sox are going to throw the series like they have in one of every four previous World Series appearances?" Ozzie told me I have nothing to worry about, and I take him at his word. I do feel better, I do not want the Astros first World Series victory to be remembered as just another White Sox scandal. Nope. Don't want that.

So anyway, I gave Scrap Iron (the Astros manager) a call to tell him that the White Sox were probably not going to throw the series, and I asked him what he thought of his teams chances. He said, "The Onlette, I have a good feeling about this, most smart peoples are picking us in 6 and I think that is about right. The White Sox are going to go home unhappy. Maybe they should have taken the money. Again."

So that is all I have today. When does the game start?

The Onlette™

A Whatever Happened to Friday Vespers Post

Hello and welcome Institute patrons to a long overdue Saturday version of Friday Vespers. Here at the Institute we have made the rare move of opening up the visitors center on a Saturday to kick off the 2005 World Series. So, make yourself at home, the beer is free in the lounge, and the game will be on in the media room.

Before the game starts, we need to take care of some overdue business. As soon as I remember my blogroll username, I will be making the following additions/changes.

Vinnie has moved to a new home. Nice graphics, but I think the boy has some issues with death. Cool site, check it out.

Adding Think Sink is long overdue, another site to get your blog funny fix.

A site called Conservathink has recently come to my attention, it is worth checking out. Go.

Now, back to baseball. Houston in 6.


I mean Houston in!



We have just received an urgent communique from a swarm of citizen journalists known as the Killer Beehives. Details are sketchy at this point, but it appears that the Houston Astros are in the World Series. Baby.

More updates as the situation develops......

Saturday, October 15, 2005


New Metamucil with Calcium.

Because people who want awesome bowel movements need a foundation of strong bones from which to maintain their purchase!!

Thursday, October 13, 2005


Harriet Miers was not my first choice for the Supreme Court. Truth be told, she was not my second choice either.

So, in light of these facts, I have decided the only sensible course of action is to slam my huevos in the car door.




Just thought you might want to know.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

I'm Not Good At Poetry

But this doesn't sound like good news.


Monday, October 10, 2005


Buckley Fires Staff at National Review.

Hires the first hundred names in the Boston phonebook to run magazine.


The Miers Headline I Wish I Had Written a Week Ago

The Right Is Itching For a Fight.

Bush does not disappoint.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Important Blog Business

I have not been able to blog much lately, but that does not stop the important blog business from piling up on my blog desk.

First, I know people have been wanting to know what I think of the Miers nomination for the Supreme Court. I won't make you wait, I support her, and the president, somewhere in the neighborhood of 100%. Why? Call it pre-presidential courtesy. You see, when I become president, I don't want a bunch of past and future presidents carping about my nominations. Like everyone else, they are going to take my nominations, and they are damn well going to like them.

If there is a good argument for Bush to withdraw this nomination it is this. The possibility of Arlen Specter and Patrick Leahy questioning her on her knowledge of the intricacies of constitutional law might prove to be too nauseating, even for Senate hearings.



Blogroll updates.

And look forward to live blogging Sunday morning fishing shows. Next Sunday.

That's What I'm Talking About

Holy Toledo!

The Astros beat the Braves in four (if it is any consolation to Braves fans, it felt like five) to advance to the NLCS. We would like to take this opportunity to give a big The Ebb & Flow Institute salute to the Atlanta Braves. They played well, and we here at the Institute know that it sucks to lose after you have a big lead and your bullpen throws gas on a fire.

It was a great game, with great pitching performances, a grand slam for each side, and a two out ninth inning homer to tie the game. An old man got the win pitching on a night when he never dreamed he would take the field, he even laid down a beautiful sacrifice bunt. It was fun to watch Mr. Clemens trying to end the game himself by swinging for the fences. In the end the much younger Chris Burke became the hero of the moment an ended the six hour affair.

I don't know if the Astros can beat the Cardinals. But I do know this, the are not likely to quit.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Johnsons Not Jihadis

After reading this brilliantly written and flawlessly executed post on the growing conservative movement in Berkeley; which contains photos from a Breasts not Bombs anti-war protest, I am giving some consideration to starting a pro-war counter protest movement.

I just haven't settled on a name for the movement, which I am sure will generate a groundswell of support.

Here are a few names I am kicking around (figuratively not literally).

Pleasure Pickles not Peackniks

Manroots not Moonbats

Trouser Hawgs not Terrorists

Dinglehoppers not Democrats

Love Guns not Leftards

Pink Cigars not Commie Pinkos

Doo-hickeys not Dimwits

Pocket Otters not Appeasers

Man Hammers not Marxists

Baloney Ponys not Bolsheviks

like all good grass roots movements, we (I) are (am) open to suggestions.

The Astros Make the Playoffs

My....., this post seems like a long, long time ago.

After losing 30 of their first 45 games the Astros clinch a playoff spot on the final day of the season. Now they get to play the Braves and the probable starters are Smoltz and Pettitte.

It doesn't get any better than that.

Disclaimer: May the best team win.