Monday, February 28, 2005

Former Head Of KGB Ignorant Of US

From time to time there will be a story in the media about how Americans are arrogant and ignorant of the rest of the world. But what does the rest of the world know about us, and where do they get their information about the U.S.?

This story blows me away. Could it be that Vladimir Putin, the former head of the KGB is so ignorant of the way things work in America? Does he really believe that George Bush had Dan Rather and others at CBS fired? If he doesn't believe it, he certainly made himself looks foolish for no apparent reason.

Here at the Institute we want to know where Czar Putin gets his news of the US, and of course, the only way to determine that is to hold an online poll.

Where does Czar Putin get his news about the U.S.?
The New York Times
The Information Clearinghouse
Faxed from a Kinkos in Abilene TX
None of the above
All of the above
Free polls from

Finally, A Good Oscar Year For Crips and Gender-Benders (Next Year The Tards Will Return)

As many people know, the Oscars are when Hollywood celebrates its best. It seemed to me, a casual observer, that Oscar acting nominations, and of course winners, tended to heavily represent certain types of people. For example, I have noticed that since I was old enough to kind of pay attention to the whole thing, that actors and actresses that play (the politically correct terminology) retards, nuts, crips or have a gender bender role tend to get lots of nominations and win at Oscar time. So I decided to do a little research. My suspicions were confirmed, though I also learned that many best actress and supporting actress nominees are often playing prostitutes. Let's look at recent his/herstory.


Foxx wins for Ray. Ray is blind.
Swank wins for Million Dollar Baby. She apparently has some physical affliction, and she boxes. This is pretty much pretending to be a guy. As you will see below, it wasn't her first time.


Crowe wins for A Beautiful Mind. He plays some kind of nuts genius.
Sean Penn, who also was married to Madonna, is nominated for I Am Sam in which he plays a lovable retard (Is there any other kind in the movies? I think not!).


Angelina Jolie wins for playing a crazy, violent bitch in Girl, Interrupted. Not a real stretch. Winnona Ryder was so depressed over not getting nominated that she went on a "shopping" spree.
Swank wins her first Oscar for playing a girl who pretends to be a guy in Boys Don't Cry.
Michael Clarke Duncan is nominated for playing a wrongfully accused lovable retard with psychic powers in The Green Mile. Two time winner Tom Hanks was in this movie, but he wasn't nominated. You see, he wasn't playing a cripple or a retard like the two times he won.


Jack Nicholson is nominated for playing an obsessive compulsive gay bashing lovable crumugeon in As Good As It Gets.
Robin Williams is nominated for playing a man pretending to be a female nanny psychiatrist in Good Will Hunting Mrs. Doubtfire.

1996: This was a banner year.

Ed Norton (a truely great actor I think) is nominated as a crazy, but not really crazy, killer in Primal Fear.
Billy Bob Thorton, who was once married to Angelina Jolie, is nominated as a killer tard in Sling Blade. But he only kills really bad people, so he is still pretty lovable you see.
Pot activist Woody Harrelson is nominated as a crippled by Gwinnett County bullet porn king in The People v. Larry Flynt. Ed Norton played his lawyer. Hole lead singer Courtney Love played his hole.
Finally, Geoffrey Rush shines and wins for his mental breaking down recovery performance in Shine. Do you think I was the first to use "shines" as a verb in describing Mr. Rush's performance in Shine?

1995: Also a banner year.

Brad Pitt is nominated for being a nut in 12 Monkeys.
Kevin Spacey wins for being a non-crip pretending to be a crip in The Usual Suspects. Remember, the greatest trick the devil ever pulled off was convincing us that he didn't exist.
Finally, two alcoholics (one who doubles as a prostitute) are nominated in Leaving Las Vegas.

1994: The year of the retard.

Tom Hanks wins for being history's retard in Forrest Gump. Jodie Foster is nominated for just being a tard with no other redeeming qualities in Nell.
Also, Gary Sinse plays a guy with no legs and gets nominated for befriending Forrest Gump.


Mute Holle Hunter (when you get married by arrangement, do you think husbands request mutes?) wins in The Piano.
AIDS afflicted, and lawyer, Tom Hanks wins for Philadelphia. Aside: This was the last time Philadelphia ever won the big one.


Al Pacino wins for being a blind horny guy in Scent of a Woman.
Jay Davidson is nominated for some reason for being a guy pretending to be a woman in The Crying Game. One of the most overrated films in history.

1991 and 1990:

Robin Williams is nuts in The Fisher King, and Robert DeNiro is nuts in Awakenings.

Going back into the 1980's reveals many more on this theme (for example, in 1998 and 1989 we have Daniel Day-Lewis and Dustin Hoffman winning as crips and tards in My Left Foot and Rainman).

Well, I'm glad to see the Academy is finally getting back to the basics. Maybe next year we can have the crippled, retarded, gender-bender sweep of the best actor and actress categories.

Oscar Memories

Pile: I remember when I won my first Oscar.

Mrs. On: What was that like, winning an Oscar?

Pile: Well, I had a lot of people to thank, I can tell you that much.


Blogger Reports On Car Chase

The lovely bride and I were driving to Chinatown to do some grocery shopping* on Sunday when we happened to be passing Sharpstown Mall at the same time this genius was attempting to evade arrest in a minivan. I have a few observations about seeing a car chase in person.

First, a car chase is even more riveting in person than it is on TV. The chase was just getting underway when we encountered it, and it was absolutely amazing how fast the police can swarm into a chase, there were dozens of police cars coming from all directions.

Second, something the TV coverage of a chase never shows you is the tow trucks. Almost as fast as the police arrive at a chase there are flocks of wreckers that follow the action hoping to cash in.

Just in case you were wondering, this quote from the linked article was not from me. Repeat, not from me.

"Oh, wow! First we thought it was a fire. Then we saw on them cop cars chasing him down he ran the intersection," recalled eyewitness Al Moreno. "I was like, 'This is a chase just like in the movies.'"


*Yes, we go to Chinatown to do our grocery shopping. It takes 30-40 minutes to get there and we probably pass around 25 perferctly good grocery stores on the way. The stores there have great produce, and we really do save money. But I end up going to another store anyway, while the Chinese make use of the entire pig and parts of chickens I had no idea were edible, they know next to nothing about beef. Pile needs beef.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Ordinance Enforcement Officer Arrested

Police in Wichita Kansas said Saturday they have arrested an Ordinance Enforcement Officer from nearby Park City that they believe is the BTK serial killer who murdered 10 people between 1974 and 1991.

The Ordinance Enforcement Officer named Dennis Rader has lived in the same Park City neighborhood for thirty years and one of his victims had been a neighbor. Mr. Rader, an Ordinance Enforcement Officer was not well liked among his neighbors and was considered a bureaucratic bully who went out of his way to issue citations.

One neighbor said Rader was once seen measuring grass in a front yard with a tape measure to see if it was too long. Another recalled catching Rader filming his house, documenting possible violations.

Other neighbors reported a positive side of the Ordinance Enforcement Officer saying he would often help elderly people with their yardwork (keeping them within compliance) as well as being active in his church and serving as a Cub Scout leader.

Police say BTK - the killer's self-coined nickname stands for "Bind, Torture, Kill" - they did not say whether any of the Ordinance Compliance Officer's binding, torturing and killing activities violated any Wichita zoning regulations.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Friday Vespers At The Institute

Hello and welcome to friday vespers at the Institute. Please join us for a beer and put the worries of the week behind you.

For those of you who adhere to the silly notion of only drinking when you have something to drink to, I give you a successful test of the missile defense system. We have noticed that when a test fails it get major run in the US press. We did a google search and discovered that very few American press outlets picked up the story but the Chinese picked up the story, and there is plenty in the military press.

Here is to Yankee Ingenuity.

This week USA Today ran a photo of President Bush speaking in Bratislava. The photo had been cleverly cropped to show the President under the word Brat. Heh, them so funny.

The Cranky Neocon points out that this happens to asshats as well, go check it out, it is excellent. No really, I am not kidding check it out, there will be a test later.

Tennis News

Tennis mega superstar Anna Kournikova won a court battle against a mentally ill homeless person when the court ordered him to stay at least 1000 feet away from her, provided he ever gets out of jail.

The homeless man William Lepeska stated that if they "were lovers we would have no need for other people, food or water".

Indeed no?***

Strange Twist Of Fate

I have been wondering today, how it came to be that I was born a middle class Midwestern white boy, instead of a whack job North African tinhorn despot Colonel (maximum leader) third world fabulously dressed dictator. Funny how that worked out, but if the roles had been reversed, rest assured, this is exactly how I would set up my security detail. Excellent reporting by Jeff @ Beautiful Atrocities.

Beer News

The field of 64 beers is set and the madness of the Battle of the Beers gets underway March 1st. Mark it on your calendar, you don't want to be disenfranchised, and whatever you do, don't let some big beer thug intimidate you.

Craft Brew Sales Grow 7%

Feb 22, 2005 - America's craft brewers sold 7% more beer in 2004 versus 2003, making craft beer the fastest growing segment of the US beverage alcohol industry, according to data gathered by the Brewers Association.

No word on the growth of small craft micro-blogs, but given some linkage fits and starts, we think they are growing nicely thankyouverymuch.


*** This was an attempt to take a blog classic and give it a twist in an effort to keep it fresh. Here at the Institute we are all about keeping it fresh. Unfortunately, using it here was kind of stupid, I mean, being in love doesn't mean you won't need food or water, in fact it is quite the opposite.

Speaking of keeping it fresh we are now officially tired of the word "meme". We are just seeing way too much of it. We are not saying that if you use it you are stale, we are just saying it might be time to crack the thesaurus.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Canada Says No Thanks To Missile Defense

TORONTO (AP) - Foreign Minister Pierre Pettigrew said Thursday that Canada will opt out of the contentious U.S. missile defense scheme, a move expected to further strain relations with the United States and please constituents at home.

Pettigrew, putting an end to nearly two years of debate over whether Canada should sign on to the multibillion-dollar program, said Ottawa would remain a close ally of Washington in the fight against global terrorism and continental security.

Minister Pettigrew went on "we know this wouldn't have cost us anything, but the US is going to build it anyway, and what are they going to do if a missile is coming at us, not shoot it down? The defense system, when they finish it, will protect us anyway so we are going to take the self-righteous condescending moral high ground. Sure it makes us look like sniveling little bitches but honestly it is a win win."

Here at the Institute we don't see any reason to care what Canada does one way or the other. But to the Mayor of Missoula we would like to say, " eminent domain, Banff, for the public good".

This is disturbing

This is disturbing, (its probably even more disturbing that I bothered to bring it up). The Institute has been one-upped. We were not the ones to create the Steak and BJ holiday, nor were we the ones to commemorate it with a haiku contest.
A Small Victory, however, is there.

Family Of Al Qaida Suspect To Sue U.S.

WASHINGTON (AP) - The family of a 23-year-old accused of plotting with al-Qaida to kill President Bush said Thursday they want to pursue a lawsuit accusing the administration of being behind their son's detention and alleged torture in a Saudi prison.

Ahmed Abu Ali "was tortured on orders of the USA; they are monsters," his mother, Faten, said outside a federal courtroom.

The young man's father, Omar, said, "The Saudi government are slaves of the Americans" and the U.S. government is lying when it says his son was under Saudi control for the 20 months before he was flown to the United States and charged.

When asked what they would do if they won the lawsuit, Tasneem Abu Ali (the cute one) said, they planned to go into the recording studio and remake The Beatles Abbey Road.

"It is something we have really been wanting to do" said Omar Abu Ali, (the lovably under-appreciated one) adding, we don't want to just do cover tunes, we want to make the songs our own. Sure it will be in Arabic, but we want to give the album a cool wintery feel, and yet still have a hard rockin infidel bite".

Fraud Munchies

I don't know, I am having trouble with the Marxhican dialect. He either said ......

Is he an Indian? Do we really care? Let's cut to the chase, I am not.

Or he said.....

Stop bogarting the Cheetos Sithole.


Correspondence Sans Spin

Dear Mr. O'Reilly

When you are preparing your show, how do you determine whether something is used in the Impact Segment, the Talking Points Memo or the Most Ridiculous Item of the Day?

Here at the Ebb & Flow Institute we are having difficulty establishing any discernible pattern.

Thank You,

Pile On®

P.S. Do you like pudding?

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

No No, Squint Like This.....That's Better

"People keep talking about Hillary and I running for president like it's a sexual thing, it's not. I put the fireplace on. I give her hot milk, you know, we have cookies. It’s very charming. It’s very sweet. It’s what the whole world should do. The most loving thing to do is to share running for president with Hillary."

Usually I prefer a Steven Wright style delivery of blog funny, but sometimes.......sometimes I cry like a little girl.

What? You think you can do better? Well, this isn't a caption contest, but there is one here.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

It's WTW Ya'll

Today we shine the spotlight on a WTW icon and give her a big Ebb & Flow Salute. Before Shania Twain bared her midriff and shook her money maker there was the feminine trailblazer Catherine Bach.

She is best known for her role in the Dukes of hazard, where she won many a young mans heart for her riveting portrayal of Daisy Duke.

Playing Daisy Duke she blossomed as an actress, it was a role that allowed her to fully develop her character.

There was pumping gas Daisy,
and driving a jeep Daisy.

As well as picking up a garbage bag out of a whiskey barrel daisy.......versatile no?????

All this popularity, led to things like action
figures, shown here in the long hair
version with unbleached teeth.

There were other consumer products like glass smoking pipes and ladies footwear.

All of this led to some things that are hard
to understand.

As you might expect, this kind of unprecedented fame led to overexposure and fan burnout.

But Catherine persevered. Sure typeasting, gravity and the opinions of others conspired to keep her down, but she made the best of the cards that were dealt her.

She still makes appearances at Dukesfests.

Giving back to her fans.

Catherine Bach, please accept a big Ebb & Flow Salute from the Institute.


Still need more WTW????

Visit these other fine WTW providers.......bloggers are standing by to serve you.

Beautiful Atrocities Cranky Neocon Cry Freedom Dangerous Logic

Fistful of Fortnights Fragile Darkness Hector Vex's Infotainment

It Is What It Is MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy Rachael Ray Redux

Riehl World View Six Meat Buffet The Ebb & Flow Institute The Jawa Report

The LLama Butchers Toner Mishap Vince Aut Morire

I Need A Fact Check On 3 Please

There has been several occasions in the last year where the blog world scored some major credibility victories at the expense of the main stream media. I don't need to bring up the specifics, if you are reading here you already know what I am talking about.

We here at the Institute are quite pleased that the MSM now has to be a little more careful, knowing that people are watching what they are doing and can call B.S. when necessary. One of the sites on my blog roll (Argghhh-The Home of Two of Jonah's Military Guys) even boasts that they can fact check your ass without ever getting dressed. True enough, but who fact checks blogs?

One of the great things about a blog is that readers can have instant feedback through the comments, and a blog can lose credibility with its readers if it provides false or misleading information. Of course many of the big blogs for a host of reasons that I have no intention of criticizing, do not allow comments at their sites. Who fact checks them? The MSM? Probably not, but other blogs can and should.

One of the drawbacks to this is too many bloggers focus too much on their sitemeter and if you are critical of another large blog you burn the link bridge and it can adversely affect your traffic.

Which brings me to this. Dan at Riehl World View has taken Wizbang to task for a post they did on the New York Times coverage of the post-tsunami Baby 81 story in Sri Lanka. I don't want to get into the specifics of the story or Dan's criticism. If you want to, you can read the original Wizbang post here, and Dan's response here, here and here. And the Wizbang followed up here.

For the record, I like both of these sites and they both appear on my blog roll for a reason.

My point in bringing this up is not to get into the argument but to point out that it is basically healthy for blogs to keep an eye on each other and to fact check each other. Of course no blog is obliged to respond to all criticism, sometimes the best response might be just to ignore it. Wizbang's response to Dan, looks like a text book example of how not to respond to criticism. Dan made some very reasonable well thought out points about the Wizbang post, and here are some of the responses he got....

So, I've read your rant, it made no sense and you were demonstrably clueless. Now if you have a point, I'll entertain it, but so far all I've heard you do is whine because I'm conservative.

Odd response considering Dan is probably as conservative as they are, and just because you are conservative doesn't mean you are going to get every story right. There is more from this post....

Lunatics on the right

Well, I finally found one. It will be a great cause for celebration among my moonbat commenters but I finally found a lunatic on the right.. Or that's why I assume. His behavior is so bizzare, there are only two conclusions.

1) It is loony.

2) He is completely rational and it picking a fight hoping for a Wizbanging. From his pathetic stats, this might be the case. Whatever the case I'll link the insanity if for no other reason then to get him to quit whining.

They went on to call Dan a goofball, and brain dead boy finishing with this....

Whatever his motivation, insanity or traffic-whoring. Here are your links. Now go play in traffic and quit emailing me.

And in the comments of the above post there is this....

How people as stupid as you can still breath just amazes me.

The comments about the pathetic stats smack of the dismissive arrogance I have seen from the MSM regarding blogs in general. Whatever, if you want traffic the way to go about it is to suck up to larger blogs in hopes of getting links, not to take them to task for what you perceive to be inaccuracies.

If blogs are going to make a name for themselves by finding flaws in the MSM, then it is only fair that from time to time blogs get challenged themselves. I am not going to say that there is one right way to respond to all criticism, but being insulting, condescending and never addressing the substance of the charge does not seem to me to be the right way to go about it.

But that is just me.

Monday, February 21, 2005

With Friends Like Thieves

Inspired by the recent relevation that one of President Bush's close friends secretly taped his conversations in the hope of "preserving history," I now present the uneditited version of the "Pile On Tapes" in hopes that they will lead to an ever-greater understanding of world peace and postpone its more prevelant violent options. Here, unedited and for the first time is the complete transcript of a telephone conversation between Pile On and Kim Jong Il, Maximum Free Radical, North Korea, as recorded by spd rdr with super infoblast technology(patently pending) last Thursday.

Pile : Uhhh hello.
Maximum Leader: Hey there dupe of the American Imperialist machine ol' buddy! It's me, Kim! What are you doing about the the hot Texas blondes and cognac you promised me in return for not producing nuclear weapons?
Pile : hmmm nuthin', whatchu doin'?
Maximum Leader: Don't you "hmmm" me you little capitalist weasel. We had a DEAL! Sanctioned by Big Kofi himself! Now pony up them Lone Star broads or kiss your Toyota's long-term waranty goodbye!
Pile: heh
Maximum Leader: "HEH????" Is that what you've got Imperialistic Running Dog Lackey? That's all you got to prevent me from making the Far East into Deep Brown Toaster Central?
Pile On: no.....huh???
Maximum Leader: You think I'm joking, cowboy? You want to watch as I launch a "Sean Penn Air to Surface Missile" at the Academy Awards? You think that'd be funny, homey?
Pile: heh
Maximum Leader: Oh you funny, boy. You really really funny. Now pony up the Courvoisier and let's get to the hot chicks.
Pile: no, I don't have any
Pile: huh?
Maximum Leader: You promise that Fearless Leader would have companionship of hot babes in hot tubs even while starving people!
Pile: uhhh??? no that's bull**it
Maximum Leader: Hey buddy, you can try to scam me, but what about Big Kofi's cut? He don't cotton to any babes not going through the U.N. "security" process. Either you start the babes flowing or he'll be taking action against you.
Pile: fu** him. I ain't too worried, he'll wear thin
Maximum Leader: (whining) Aw, com'on Pile! What's a little graft and child-rape between world leaders like us? I mean, with a little U.N. supervision, we can do anything! Com' on! Let's at least talk about it! How about I drop by your place to work out the details of my disarmament?
Pile: yeah come on over, I ain't doing anything.
Maximum Leader: Goddamn! Pile On, You Da Man! You know that even we Beloved Leaders just gotta have your approval!
Pile: heh
Maximum Leader: Listen, P.O., I know you drive a hard bargain...much like your boss, insane cowboy Bush. Isn't there anything I can do to make up to you for our know, "misunderstandings?"
Pile: bring some beer a**hole
Maximum Leader: Sure, sure I will!!! Milwaulkee's Best, right? Two cases. Ane Cheese Dooodles! I got it. But, Pile, ol' friend, if I do, will you promise to stop targeting me with 751,159 nuclear weapons?
Pile: heh
Maximum Leader: No P.O., I'm serious! Blondes, booze but no bombs. Capice?
Pile: later
Maximum Leader: Hello? Helloooooo? Goddamned backchannel communications! Hello?

Secret Pile On® Phone Conversations Released

A would be best selling author has just released audio tapes of phone conversations with Pile On® that he taped 20 years ago without Pile On®'s knowledge. Unfortunately, due to the lacking technology of the period, we only have one side of the conversation.


Uhhh hello
hmmm nuthin', whatchu doin'?
no, I don't have any
uhhh??? no that's bull**it
fu** him
I ain't too worried, he'll wear thin
yeah come on over, I ain't doing anything
bring some beer a**hole

The media reaction has been that we haven't really learned anything about Pile that we didn't already know.

Sucker of the Day

Proving that common stupidity, unlike professional journalism, knows no gender bias, allow me to introduce today's tantalizing bit of self-help material: The BRAVA Breast Enhancement and Shaping System! ( Yes, with the BRAVA Breast Enhancement and Shaping System, you too can enlarge your own breasts in your own home without bloody surgery or messy creams! It's easy! And so much fun the whole family will enjoy it! You'll be amazed at the difference in your shape after only a few weeks with this simple device!

What simple device you ask? Well, you can wander around the BRAVA web site for a while desperately looking for information, or you can take this hint. No, no I meant THIS hint.

That's riiiiight! You hook yourself up to a vacuum and let nature take its course. And what a course it is, too. A woman interested in elarging her breasts the safe, natural way must commit to being hooked up to a machine for 10 hours a day for 10 weeks. No kidding. And for that the lucky girl will see her breasts grow a whole cup size! Yowza! Of course the methods employed by the BRAVA system are time-tested and have been used by some of America's finest jurists for years.

10 hours a day for 10 weeks = one cup size. It's no small wonder that this also appeared in the article:
"Sarah Maddison, a spokeswoman for from the Women's Electoral Lobby
said it was "sad" women would go to such lengths for a fuller bosom.
"You also can't overlook the potential profit involved," Dr Maddison said.
"I find it offensive that women's bodies are used in that way."

Well, Dr. Maddison, I don't agree. I find it much more offensive that a woman's intelligence is abused in that way.

Blogs vs. MSM

Today a police car went racing past me, lights flashing and sirens blaring.

I don't know what was going on, I am just a blogger, I don't have a helicopter.

It might have been a car chase. If I were the MSM, and had it been a car chase I could have

turned that into an hour or two of riveting television.

Not having helicopters is one of the differences between blogs and the MSM.

A Friend Like Wead....

Okay......... sure.......... he betrayed a friendship by recording conversations with then governor of Texas George Bush knowing that he might one day be president and possession of those tapes could help him profit from book sales. And that makes him an a**hole, but................

At least he waited until after the election.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Semper Fidelis

"Among Americans who served on Iwo Island,
Adm. Chester W. Nimitz

Lest we forget.

Friday, February 18, 2005

A Moment Of Socialist Birthday Euphoria

North Korea Marks Birthday of Kim Jong Il

The Americans swagger like a tiger around the world, but they whimper before our Republic as the tiger does before the porcupine. That's because we have our Great Leader Kim Jong Il, who is undefeatable.

No matter how wild the U.S. imperialists may run, our country remains unfazed and the spirit of our army and people is sky-high.

Media reported the unseasonable blossoms of wild flowers, citing them as divine evidence that the nature was also celebrating the birthday, the "common holiday of the humankind." Around the country, exhibitions were held featuring Kimjongilia - a red flower cultivated to blossom around Kim's birthday.

A Few Words From An Old Online Friend

I pulled the following from the comments section at Villainous Company, it was written by an immigrant from somewhere behind the Iron Curtain (not sure where) who goes by the name of a former european.

I wish I could adequately describe to native-born Americans the special place that the USA holds in the hearts of freedom-loving people around the world. It truly is a beacon of hope; a shining city on a hill.

Pay no attention to the snide comments of your enemies or the snarky comments of the jealous has-beens of "Old Europe". Deep in their hearts, they know the truth about America and this is what fuels their rage. It is the hatred of the righteous man by the wicked.

Merely by existing, that man (or nation) highlights the failings of those others. The righteous man (or nation) by their actions holds up a mirror which reflects all of the ugliness of the evil man's (or nation's) deeds. The wicked would rather smash the mirror because they cannot handle the truth about their own wickedness.

For freedom-loving peoples, though, the US has always been the promised land; a land of opportunity and an escape from the tyranny which prevails in most of the rest of the world. The US has never lacked for immigrants because of this.

As an immigrant, but now a naturalized citizen for the last few decades, I am keenly aware of the precious gift of freedom and liberty that I am blessed to receive every day as an American. It often saddens me, though, that so many Americans are blind to this or take their freedoms for granted. If this were not the case, the Dimocrats would not exist as a political party.

Why do you think that the most conservative, anti-Dimocrat groups are immigrants from totalitarian or tyrannical regimes around the world? They have heard the false promises and empty rhetoric before, and seen the results, and they're not buying it.

When I listen to the spokespersons of the modern Dimocratic Party, they sound identical to the propaganda I heard in the former Soviet Bloc. I suspect it is the same for the Cubans.

Communism has caused more human misery and evil than any other form of govt or any religion in human history. Nevertheless, modern Dimocrats would trade away our precious freedoms, bought and preserved by the precious blood of brave Americans for centuries, in order to revisit the Soviet and Socialistic misery and failures of the past.

I cannot describe how strongly I feel about this. The best example I can come up with is a seemingly nice guy who hangs out in the communty park. He has a pleasant demeanor, and all the parents like him. They let him play with their kids because he seems safe and harmless. You, however, know him to be a child-molester. What do you do? Do you simply close your eyes to the situation and hope that nothing horrible happens, or do you do everything in your power to convince the parents and kids to wake up to the danger?

Other nations in the past were seduced by the false promises of Communism, and they paid a heavy price in pain and misery for it. The difference was that, even in those dark days, the oppressed people still had America as a beacon of hope that they too could someday be free.
Americans gave their money, their toil, and their blood, to liberate nations throughout the 20th Century. If America falls to the Dimocratic vision of a new People's Republic,who will come to our rescue? The French? Zimbabwe? North Korea?

I still get choked up when I hear the National Anthem, see the Statue of Liberty, and on the 4th of July, Veteran's Day, and Memorial Day. These, to me, are not meaningless rituals or an excuse to party (even if I do celebrate and party on the 4th), but a real expression of my love for this great nation and my thankfulness to all those brave men and women who have sacrificed themselves so that I can stand here today as a free man.

God bless all of you.

Friday Vespers At The Institute

It is Friday and it is time to have a beer and stop debating whether Al Franken is merely stupid or if he is stupid and a liar. Join us, Institute Waitresses are standing by to serve you.

For those of you who insist upon the quaint custom of having something to drink to, Oil Traders in London provide us with an example of how to respond to protestors who want to interfere with the free market at work.

As three Greenpeace climbers hung a banner from the roof declaring "Climate change kills. Stop pushing oil", more than a dozen people were hurt when angry traders pulled a large metal bookcase on top of protesters and guards waded in to punch and kick people trapped in corridors.
Activists expressed shock at the reaction. "They were in a frenzy. They just went wild. They were trying so hard to hit us they were falling over each other," said Peter Mulhall, a commercial manager from Liverpool protesting at the amount of oil being traded.

Here's to you London Oil Trader People.

Beer News

Now is the time to submit your nomination for the 2005 Battle Of The Beers. We will be following this March Madness closely.

A raise beer taxes to reduce underage drinking lobbyist inadvertently provides free beer to minors. I hate it when that happens.

Beer Drinker Of The Year

The beer drinker of the year competition is down to three finalist.

Tom Ciccateri, an Alexandria, Virginia specialist in weapons of mass destruction nonproliferation programs, and four-time Beerdrinker of the Year finalist.

Ciccateri's beer drinking philosophy of "Beer is my guiding light" has led him to "a richer and more enjoyable life." It has also led him to extensive travels around the globe in pursuit of the world's best beers. Ciccateri has tried over 2500 beers in 30 countries, he has visited 321 of the planet's breweries, and attended 95 beer festivals. "And I'm still on my original liver," Ciccateri says.

Richard Pedretti-Allen, a McKinney, Texas recording producer and two-time Beerdrinker of the Year finalist.

Pedretti-Allen has been an award-winning homebrewer since 1989 and a certified beer judge since 1997. He has been a prolific organizer of pub crawls, beer dinners, homebrew competitions and beer festivals. His honeymoon with his wife, Valerie, was a two-week pub crawl of the United Kingdom's best pubs. He owns 7,000 beer coasters.

Fred Pelon, a Longmont, Colorado disc-drive engineer and the first Colorado resident to make the finals in the Beerdrinker of the Year search.

An avid homebrewer, Pelon's beer drinking philosophy is "Live to Drink, Drink for Life." He credits a beer-rich diet with helping him reduce a once unhealthy triglycerides level by 85%. He feels that people should diet and exercise "solely to extend your beer drinking lifetime." Pelon spent $5,054.51 at his local beer store last year, prompting the store's owner to ask an employee, "Does Fred own a restaurant?"

I do love the thrill of competition, good luck gentlemen. Winners will be determined Feb. 26 at Wynkoop Brewing Co. in Denver Colorado.


It was a close place. I took it up, and held it [the letter to Miss Watson] in my hand. I was a trembling, because I'd got to decide, forever, betwixt two things, and I knowed it. I studied a minute, sort of holding my breath, and then says to myself:

"All right, then, I'll go to hell"- and tore it up.

It was awful thoughts, and awful words, but they was said. And I let them stay said; and never thought no more about reforming. I shoved the whole thing out of my head; and said I would take up wickedness again, which was in my line, being brung up to it, and the other warn't. And for a starter, I would go to work and steal Jim out of slavery again; and if I could think up anything worse, I would do that, too; because as long as I was in, and in for good, I might as well go the whole hog.

- Mark Twain: The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn - Chapter 31
Published February 18, 1885

Still the most courageous words I have ever read.
Happy birthday, Huck.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Just A Question.....That's All

Would it be considered narcissistic for a person to get a tattoo of their own image?

Would your answer be the same if the tattoo were in a location that could not be seen and enjoyed by the tattooee?

Fox Hunting Ban Takes Effect

Support Fox Hunting
On Friday the Fox Hunting ban will take effect in England and hunting dogs will need to be re-purposed (sort of like what out-sourcing does for working Americans here). The Institute brain trust is now on the case 100 ProofPercent to propose retasking ideas.

Friday, 18th February 2005
On Friday 18th February the Hunting Act 2004 comes into force in England & Wales. Most forms of hunting wild mammals with dogs will be banned and hunts will be required to begin the process of adapting to the 'new way of life'.
Many Police forces across England & Wales are bracing themselves for the enormous task of policing the countryside, looking for potential illegal hunting. However some forces have concerns on implementation of the ban, and others are simply allocating minimal resources to it - in Devon and Cornwall, which covers at least 33 hunts, there are only six designated hunt officers to enforce the ban.

After some careful consideration, the Institute proposes that the following musical activity, which we've found has gone on for years in one English county, should be adopted throughout the British Isles.

Pictured above is not some new Airport Security device but the reverse side of the fabled Houndorgan

It’s spring, fox hunting time, that the means that the people of Dillshire in England will once again be graced with the melodious sound of the fabled houndorgan. As is customary the intricate system of pulleys and cables that connects the keyboard to the hammers, that gently smack that hounds testicles, evoking that full rich sound, is hidden from view. The soulful sounds emanating from the houndorgan are said only to be rivaled by the equally prestigious Beijing Cacaphonic Swine-ette, and then only when playing the 1812 Overture.

The Outrage Continues

It is dark outside.

The grass has hardly grown in months.

I am trying to enjoy a cup of tea.

Must my neighbor mow his lawn right now?


I Am Outraged

I heard on the radio and on Fox News yesterday that J C Watts had issued a statement that he was "outraged" by this comment from Howard Dean "you think the Republican National Committee could get this many people of color in a single room? Only if they had the hotel staff in here!"

Interesting that I can't find a link to the statement by J C Watts anywhere on the net.

You know when Democrats get outraged over this statement or that statement it is pathetic and often stupid. I understand turnabout is fair play but come on, when Republican do it, it just looks contrived. Butch up Sally, leave the victimization for the Democrats.

As long as we are watering down the language, I AM OUTRAGED that the commercials on TV are louder than the programs.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Scandal In The Legal Community? No way!

Lawyer Convicted For Assisting Terrorists -- Or Just Being A lawyer?

A federal jury in Manhattan convicted Lynne Stewart, an attorney that had represented Sheik Omar Abdel Rahman, whose followers had apparently planned violence in Egypt. She was convicted of helping the Sheik communicate with those followers.
"I see myself as being a symbol of what people rail against when they say our civil liberties are eroded," she said to a small cluster of her supporters outside the federal district courthouse. "I hope this will be a wake-up call to all the citizens of this country, that you can't lock up the lawyers, you can't tell the lawyers how to do their jobs."
Indeed. Of course, the evidence might be relevant as well.
The prosecution also showed videotapes of Ms. Stewart saying "good for them" when her client was told in her presence that a militant group in the Philippines had taken hostages. Recordings showed that she seemed to enjoy trying to distract prison guards so they would not know when her translator was giving Mr. Abdel Rahman messages about his followers and their plans. After one such incident, according to a prosecution transcript, she said of her performance for the guards, "I can get an Academy Award for it."

Sure, but only gay men would know that she had won.

Gender Discrimination in the Courts?

Here are the facts -- two lovers of the opposite sex. One asks for sex. The other refuses. The rejected responds by mutilating the genitals of the rejecter. The sentence? Two and one half years. Warning: before clicking the site, men, go ahead and clench your butt cheeks now. The question: now what would be the reaction if the mutilated had been female?

How Long Is That Again?

prosecutors in Spain seek 222,000 years for terrorist suspects. But with time off for good behavior, they will likely be out in only 50,000 years.

Does That Thing Come With A Safety Valve?

Judge in Oklahoma is charged with indecent exposure for using a pump devise to masturbate while he was sitting on the bench in three trials. A summary of the charges, per The Smoking Gun:
Thompson exposed himself during three separate 2003 cases (two of which were murder trials). For example, on May 13 . . . Thompson loudly pumped himself up. Two court employees told investigators that they saw Thompson . . . attach the suction device to his penis, while five jurors reported hearing whooshing sounds, which they thought were coming from either a bicycle pump, blood pressure cuff, or an air cushion on the judge's chair.

Why the pump? The Judge said that he didn't want to have to shave his hands.

Another Example Of The Non-jury Trial At Work.

A crowd of Shiite Muslims spot a suspected suicide bomber at their religious celebration. Fearing he might blow himself up before a temporary restraining order could be obtained, they beat him to death. No appeal is expected.

He Should Have Argued They Were Euthanized.

Twelve year old Christopher Pittman killed his grandparents. Fifteen year old Christopher Pittman was convicted for it. His defense: Zoloft made him do it.
Defense attorneys had urged the jury to send a message to the nation by blaming Zoloft for the killings. They said the negative effects of Zoloft are more pronounced in youngsters, and the drug affected Pittman so he did not know right from wrong.
"We do not convict children for murder when they have been ambushed by chemicals that destroy their ability to reason," attorney Paul Waldner said.
Actually, under the facts of this case, we wouldn't have convicted him only if the jury had been ambushed by chemicals.

I don't think any of these lawyers have dedicated themselves to protecting the Man. Or even maintaining the status quo.

So Busy -- Need New Brain

As many of you know, I am a busy guy. As a protector of the man and maintainer of the status quo, I spend many hours fighting off the lawsuits of evil. Then, I am a dedicated husband to Mrs. KJ and father to KJita. I serve my church, play some hardball, and watch lots of sports on TV. On top of that, I must serve the dual role of The Ebb & Flow Institute's Honorary Chair of the Department of Redundancy Department of the Ebb & Flow Institute and fulfill my limited obligations as the JS Mills/PJ O'Rourke Chair at No Government Cheese, a new, and due to my overwhelming schedule, relatively dormant think tank. This is starting to get to be too much. So what can I do? I think I will get a second brain.

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Let's git her done.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

White Trash Wednesday

I have decided to participate in White Trash Wednesday when I can.

From my own personal experience I know the best way to keep tabs on what is going on in the white trash community is to check out the small town newspapers. Specifically the police blotters.

Winona MN-- Sunday, Feb. 23 Lance Coburn, 18, Whitehall, Wis., was charged with fourth-degree DWI, transporting a loaded firearm and minor possession of alcohol at Fifth and Main Streets at 2:41 a.m. after an officer observed his vehicle turn left on a red light at Third and Main. According to police, Coburn was carrying a loaded uncased firearm and was returning from coyote hunting.
The police just hand another victory to the coyotes. It was only a minor possession of alcohol anyway.

West Depford, Somewhere, geez these sites are bad about telling you where they are.

Burglary/Theft - 3:00 PM - A resident from the 4500 building on Apple Lane reported while they were asleep in their apartment, someone entered the residence and stole their Beagle dog that was later found nearby in a swimming pool and returned to the owner.

This sort of thing is happening more and more lately, and frankly it has got to stop.

Blaine, WA--February 6: A reported stolen vehicle from South Dakota was found parked in the 500 block of Peace Portal Drive. The vehicle was occupied by one sleeping individual. The individual was awoken and detained until it was confirmed that the vehicle was not stolen. At one time the vehicle had been stolen, but the individual who had been sleeping in it had permission to have possession of the vehicle. What a nightmare.

What a nightmare indeed!!! It is getting so a feller can't even pass out in someone else's car without the pigs harrassing him.

And if that isn't enough excitement for one town in a day.....

February 6: A woman in the 300 block of Alder Street called 911 and reported that her adult son had called her and told her he intended to harm himself. Officers responded to a local motel where the man was staying and were met outside by the man’s mother. Officers checked on the man’s welfare and he offered that he had attempted to commit suicide by consuming harmful amounts of medication and alcohol. The man was transported to St. Joseph Hospital by medics.

Mother, this is your adult son, I have called to inform you that I intend to harm myself with harmful amounts of medication and alcohol. Please do not inform the authorites.

Durango, CO--2:22 p.m. Two shepherd crosses killed chickens on Stills Lane, and the dogs were still running around the area.

9:44 a.m. A neighbor in the 100 block of Ryler Drive never moves or drives their yellow Volkswagen van. Obviously whoever reported this doesn't know how to fit in.

9:20 p.m. A man wearing no pants but a wearing blue coat was running on the Animas River Trail toward the fish hatchery. The man was possibly in someone's back yard peeping.

Could be, but shouldn't we find out all the facts before we go jumping to conclusions?

9:04 p.m. A dead deer was in the turning lane in the 300 block of Colorado Drive.

His name was not released pending notification of the next of kin.

Lubbock TX--500 Block of 50th Street
Police arrested three men on burglary charges Tuesday morning after they were stopped with several cartons of cigarettes not far from the crime scene.

Officers responded to the burglary call at Buddy's Check Cashing about 2:55 a.m.
When they arrived, they saw that the front door was shattered by a cinder block, a jar of pickles was overturned, and dirt and glass covered the store counter.
An unknown amount of cigarettes were also missing.

Based on witness accounts, officers identified the suspects and the vehicle, resulting in the arrests.

Thank God they caught these three, anyone willing to risk hard time for a few cigarettes is a bad actor, and tipping over that jar of pickles was just comepletely uncalled for.


Now thisy here ain't no crime, but it do make a feller swell with pride.

Shawn Bunch struggles to describe his initial thoughts when he approached the deer he shot on opening day of the Wisconsin gun-deer season in late November.

Matt Tainter also admits that he hasn't quite found the appropriate words to describe the unusual white-tailed buck.Nonetheless, Bunch and Tainter, both from Westby, Wis., and several dozen other people, many with decades of hunting experience, agree it is the strangest looking deer they ever saw.

"Maybe that's why I sneaked up on that one-eyed buck," said Bunch, adding that the deer was at least a 15-pointer, possibly more, as four or five smaller tines were broken off.

Ain't he a beauty?

In addition to a nice-sized rack on top of its head, the adult buck had a forked antler protruding from one of its eyes."If you look at the skull, the horn protrudes right out of the eye socket," Tainter said. "The eye was still functional, but the antler acted like a blinder, and I am pretty sure the deer had a hard time blinking that eye as the eyelid was scabbed over.

"Despite the deformity, Tainter said the deer wasn't afraid to fight with other bucks during the rut, or white-tailed mating season, earlier this fall."Oh, yeah. He was a fighter. Both ears were ripped up pretty good," Tainter said.

Bunch said the deer eluded him for three or four years before he finally crept within shooting range about 9 a.m. on Saturday, Nov. 20. Although Bunch shot the deer from only 30 yards away with his 12-gauge shotgun, he said he never noticed the strange antler coming out of the eye until he knelt by the dead deer.

"I walked up to him and thought what is going on here?" he said. "I never saw anything like that.

"I knew other hunters would work him right towards me on opening day because I could hear car doors slamming and guys coughing," said Bunch, a stay-at-home dad. "I thought if I sit in the stand for two hours and if no one drives him to me, I'll put the sneak attack on him."

Just before 9 a.m., Bunch used the wind to his advantage and sneaked within 30 yards. One shot and the deer fell dead.


Ms.Fitness USA Awards

On the radio this morning I heard Dr. Greg Cynaumon boasting that Cortislim has won the Ms. Fitness USA product of the year award.

I of course, am impressed. Today I vow to you, the Ebb & Flow Institute will not rest, will not waiver, will not falter, until we win the Ms. Fitness USA blog of the year award.

I refuse to relive the humiliation and disappointment I felt back in my boy band days when Menudo failed to win the Soul Train Awards.

Monday, February 14, 2005

End Of The Trail Part IV

The continuing adventures of Ward Churchill and Sithole the trans-gendered track star from Zimbabwe.

Sithole: Ward, I don't know what to do, I was on top of the world, my dream of one day going to the Olympics was within my grasp. There isn't a woman in Africa that can run or throw the javelin like I can.

Churchill: Runs With A Penis, there are people in this world, white people, who will try to keep you in your place. They will say to you, NO, you can't do this cuz you have made up degrees, or NO, you can't run against women because you have a penis, or HEY you can't keep that job because you lied about your background. All I can say to you is, you are, whatever you say you are. No man can tell you, you are not a woman, no matter how many penises the medicine man makes grow on you.

Sithole: You are so strong in the face of adversity Ward, is there anything that can get to you?

Churchill: Litter, Runs With A Penis, the white mans litter never fails to bring a tear to my eye.

Monday's Feelings II

Because the facts do not matter. What matters is how you feel about them.

This is probably my only contribution this week. Enjoy.

Cookie Hating Woman Still Sucks

Follow up: Sad, pathetic excuse for a human being Renea Young is just having an awful time of it since she won an $890 judgment against two teenagers who knocked on her door to give her cookies.
The Colorado woman who sued two girls after they made an anonymous, nighttime cookie delivery said she and her family have been the target of hate mail, harassing phone calls and even death threats.
"This isn't about cookies," Renea Young told "Good Morning America." "It's not about a couple of girls out spreading cheer. It's about a horrible experience for me and my family."

I do not feel as sorry for this woman as I do her husband and daughter. The woman added, they brought me chocolate chip cookies, but I really had my heart set on Macedonian nuts.

Snow Genitals Found To Be Frigid

Let it snow, let it snow, let it blow.

Georgia Cops Hate MLK

More civil rights abuses in the South. In Columbus, Georgia, a complaint was filed about a police officer's conduct during the MLK Day Parade. It seems that this officer had the insensitivity to eat a banana while working an eight hour day on his feet. Some would say that such consumption of potassium is a good way to get an energy boost and avoid cramps. Others would apparently say that the officer was trying to imply that the People of African descent, but not only dark skinned Africans-Americans joining the march were like apes. No fooling some people.

Beer Wars

Beer me, but please don't fire me. Miller employee photographed with Bud product claims to have lost his job. Pile On could not be reached for comment, but it is understood that the same policy applies to employees and fellows of The Institute.

Sharks Hate Hurricanes -- Not A Sports Headline

As always, I try to find the silver lining. Sure, Florida's 24 hurricanes this year killed some people, delayed a few vacations and damaged a trailer or two, but does anyone stop to think about the reduction in shark attacks?

This Just In: Pile On Not Cheap -- Merely Protecting His Wife's Safety

Pile On's frugality serves many purposes. Some would say he is a cheap SOB. Others would say we always knew that he sucked. It turns out, however, that Pile On just loves his wife, whose misguided instincts to go to the Dollar Store were unsafe. Pile On, realizing that the Dollar Store often hires crazed murdering maniacs, wisely steered her toward the 99 cent store. Kudos to Pile On for looking after Mrs. On's safety.

How does that make you feel.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Money Doesn't Grow On The Dollar Tree

Today my wife said to me, "honey, we need to buy a few things, let's go to the Dollar Store". I was aghast. "We aren't made of money you know", I replied. Then I took her to the 99 Cent Only Store.

A Sign of the The Times

From today's New York Times Corrections (fifth item): An article last Sunday about the popular music scene in Montreal misidentified a possible factor in a rejuvenation of English-speaking culture in Quebec. It was the threat of secession, not succession.

Regular readers of the Institute's intellectual tomes scholarly monographs lunatic screeds occasional reminders will note that the murder mangling casual misuse of the English language does not sit well with the Board. The English language is a beautiful thing. Gifted with its freedom to augment itself to reflect the times and mood of the speaker, and unfettered by overbearing xenophobic bureaucratic regulation, the English language has produced some of the most endearing language ever uttered.

The Institute' s laissez faire attitude towards an idiotic unintentional massacre abuse bandying of the King's English is best exemplified by this writer's stalwart refusal to smash his wife's brand new GMC Denali into the first available bridge abutment simply because General Motors had chosen to include in its owner's manual the abominable and unfathomable term “gage” rather than the time-honored and eminently capable "gauge." Never mind that such a vocabulary faux pas would have dearly earned your intrepid corespondent three quick whacks from the Holy Ruler dispensed by the indomitable Sister Mary Ita. Brother, I am now chill.

So let it be understood that, in general, the Institute and its hangers-on flunkies esteemed members, do grant the occasional offensive grammarian a marquee upon which they may proclaim their ignorance a boatload of righteous ridicule a "pass." We prefer as a matter of policy, however, to gently prod the recalcitrant mal-linguist towards a more skillful conveyance of his or her future messages. That being said, it is beyond even the vast powers of the Institute to grant such latitude to a MORON published by The New York Times, the supposed "newspaper of record"who can't even tell the difference between a revolutionary separation of a formal confederacy of interest from that of a system to advance a familiar/political line of power. See, e.g., C.S.A. v. United States (1861-65) ; see also: Veiled Women with Pitchforks v. Saudi Arabian Dick-heads (2005).

I'd flunk my high-school sophomore for less.

End of the Trail Part III

The continuing adventures of Ward Churchill and Sithole the trans-gendered track star from Zimbabwe.

Churchill: Runs With A Penis, there are many trails in this life. You must choose the trail of a true human being. Whether or not you run this trail with a penis is not important. Oppressive gender issues are only important to the white man. You will find no meaning in your life if you are pursuing the white mans gold medals in the Southern Region Athletics Championships of Africa.

Sithole: Ward, you have the wisdom of the ages, do you think I should cop a plea, to reduce the charges against me?

Churchill: No, Runs With A Penis, the white man has put his name on paper too many times. How many times must the white man break his word about tenure? Do you not remember the tenure talks of Sandy Creek? Do you not remember Blue Water and Shell River? I would like to ask you a question my friend, what would make these promises any different than those of the past?

Sithole: I think it is your turn to do the dishes.

Churchill: Runs With A Penis, I am Ward Churchill. Do you see that I am your friend? CAN YOU SEE THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY FRIEND?????

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Only The Lonely

If there was any doubt left... here's Mo.
An unsolicited response:

It's sad.

End Of The Trail Part II

The continuing adventures of Ward Churchill and Sithole the trans-gendered track star from Zimbabwe.

Churchill: Sithole, I will call you Runs With A Penis. In the language of my people that means a female track star who has a penis.

Sithole: As you wish, I do not want to infringe upon your first amendment rights of free speech.

Churchill: This medicine man of yours, who caused the penis to grow on you because you failed to pay your bill, must be a Little Eichman Medicine Man. It is the way of my people for medicine men not to charge for their services. Clearly this man has been corrupted by the capitalist white man.

Sithole: Who are your people?

Churchill: Runs With A Penis, let us smoke a while.

Sithole knew that by "a while", Churchill meant a long while.

Friday, February 11, 2005

Friday Vespers At The Institute

Welcome to Friday vespers, please have a beer on the Institute.

Here is something we can drink to. Lawyer Lynne Stewart is going to jail.

Asshat lawyers are worried this may have a chilling effect on attorneys that not only want to represent terrorists but also assist them. Our only concern is that it may have a chilling effect on KJ and his research on women in prison. She is one cold breeze.

New aerosol spray can increase female sex drive. Life is full of trade offs though, if you over use it you may find yourself shaving every morning.

A big thank you to all that helped me with my computer dilemma. On Wednesday evening I placed and order with Dell. On Thursday it shipped and UPS tracking has it out for delivery as I write.

It has an Intel Pentium 4 processor.
512MB Dual Channel DDR SDRAM at 400MHz
80GB Ultra ATA/100 7200RPM Hard Drive
16X CD/DVD burner (DVD+RW/+R) w/double layer write.

And it was only $50 more than Masked Menace's estimate on building my own, and has a faster processor.

I am pleased, and here is a great idea to pay for it.

Let the bidding begin!!

End Of The Trail

W. Churchill: Come Sithole, let us do as the medicine man Wovoka instructs and begin the Ghost Dance. We will dance Sithole, until the white man disappears from the earth, the great herds of buffalo again roam the plains, tenure and harmony are restored to the environment, and we can return to the old way of life.

Sithole: Will this penis that has spontaneously grown on me disappear?

W. Churchill: Hhhhmmmmmm...... Sithole....... that is big medicine, let us not push our luck.

Best Correction of the Day

Woman Resumes Talking 20 Years After Suffering Head Injury; 'she's 100 Percent Sarah Again'

HUTCHINSON, Kan. (AP) - A woman unable to talk since she was hit by a drunken driver 20 years ago has begun to regain her memory and form words, sending her father "from despair to joy."

Normally, "Woman Resumes Talking" would not merit a headline. However, this is a fabulous day for Sarah and her family, so I'm putting the clamps on the ol' snarktrap. Just remember: If the Dr. Kevorkians of this world had their way, Sarah might not have made it back.

You go girl.