Thursday, June 30, 2005

Pile Is The Man

Pile is the man. This guy told me so.

Iranian President Elect Started Political Career in 1979

Greatest accomplishment:

As mayor he segregated by sex the elevators of Tehran.

The Institute is not the least bit surprised by this turn of events. What we do find surprising is that Ashton Kutcher (far right), was in Iran in 1979 working with the hostage takers.

Salute to Rusty who had the story at least 24 hours before I heard about this anywhere else.

Read it all here.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

I Don't Feel Like Posting

And you can't make me. So I'm not going to.


I know what you are thinking. Pile doesn't have anything to write about. His creativity is spent. Spent. Like a fast spender person who spends all the money he or she gets his or her hands on spends his or her last bit of legal tender. Or coins. They are legal tender too. It just doesn't say it on the coins. Probably a space issue. On the coins that is. Not a lot of room to print things on coins. There are no watermarks on coins either. They just don't have that technology. Yet.

Anyway, you are wrong, I have lots of good ideas. Lots of them. I just don't feel like sharing today.


Yesterdays post on Wild Jihadis is still there. You could read that again.

It is right there. ↓ See it? ↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓Thank you.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Wild Jihadi--Introduced Species in Iraq

The reality is that the Bush administration's choices have made Iraq into what it wasn't before the war - a breeding ground for jihadists. Today there are 16,000 to 20,000 jihadists and the number is growing. The administration has put itself - and, tragically, our troops, who pay the price every day - in a box of its own making. Getting out of this box won't be easy, but we owe it to our soldiers to make our best effort.

--John F. Kerry

Introduced Species:The Threat to Biodiversity & What Can Be Done

The introduction of the Wild Jihadi into the Mesopotamian region of what is today known as Iraq has become a serious ecological concern. The Wild Jihadi, jihadi sub-carnivora, as an introduced species is devastating to the native wildlife. The jihadi may be solely responsible for hundreds of explosive attacks on the native species in Iraq. Several species of endangered market vendors, police recruits and Mosque patrons are currently threatened by the Jihadis presence in Iraq. The Jihadi also contributes to the spread of disease, due to the widespread nature of its range, and its resistance to population control methods.

Control Methods

There have been some attempts at Passive Control using such damp panted techniques as therapy to minimize the aggression of the feral jihadi, but most experts agree because of the species maliciousness, these techniques will only lead to the expansion of the species territory.

There are some substantive control mechanisms currently being used. The newest technology for managing feral jihadis is military ecosystem management, in which the entire ecosystem is subject to a regular treatment (such as infantry coupled with artillery and air support) that tends to favor adapted native species over most exotic invaders. However, these methods are expensive, and despite their success it is not reported on a wide scale, so discouragement and flagging support among the less informed is a common problem.


It is the official opinion of the Institute that if the more aggressive controls currently being used with success in some locations are used on a wider scale, coupled with a liberalization of the rules of engagement, there is every reason to think that most native species and ecosystems can be protected against this threat. If our interest or support falters, the current wave of invaders will surely become a flood, leading to massive habitat change and extinction as much of the earth undergoes a massive biotic homogenization.

Monday, June 27, 2005

News Media Outraged at Pew Research Center Report

The Pew Research Center has released a study that shows Americans are more critical of the mainstream media than ever.

Public attitudes toward the press, which have been on a downward track for years, have become more negative in several key areas. Growing numbers of people question the news media's patriotism and fairness. Perceptions of political bias also have risen over the past two years.

The reports release has ignited a firestorm of controversy throughout the media, with many large media outlets calling for the resignation of the Pew Research Center. Richard Smith, Editor in chief of Newsweek declared the study "a slap in the face to the unity that America achieved after September 11, 2001". Mr Smith fired off a letter to the Pew Center asking for an immediate apology, stating "to try to exploit the media's lack of patriotism for the purposes of a study once again just shows you how desperate you [the Pew Center] have become".

Bill Keller, Executive Editor of the New York Times immediately called a news conference stating, "when I read this Pew report...I....I was sickened....sick to my stomach, nauseated, this report goes far beyond what should be acceptable to study. The Pew Research Center should resign immediately, this report is a bitch slap to everyone who reads or watches the media, it is a dagger to the heart of what America is all about".

Later, on the editorial page of the Times Mr. Keller wrote, "I don't think people should play research with peoples opinions of the media. We all have our different opinions of patriotism, but the media is sacred to all New Yorkers and to all Americans".

When contacted, the Pew Research Center said it had no intention of asking itself to resign.

This post is cross-posted at Vince Aut Morire.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

A Brief Editorial From the Desk of Pile

Perhaps the country would be better off with a Democrat President.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing but admiration for the way Bush has led the country since 9/11. His resolve in the face of constant criticism has earned my respect. The behavior of many Democrats on the other hand has been deplorable. They have consistently put their hatred of Bush and their parties ambitions ahead of the needs of the country. Right now we need to be unified to prevail in this war and to provide leadership in a dangerous world.

The republicans have historically rallied behind an opposition President in times of war. Politics ends at the nation's shore, was a phrase that had meaning. If we had a Democrat President who wasn't from the Move On neutered moonbat wing of the party, the country could rally around his leadership and truly improve our chances at providing security for our country well into the future.

The problem is, while a Democrat in the tradition of Truman, JFK or Sam Nunn could win the Presidency, it is not likely they could win their parties nomination.

Oh, and Jennifer Garner is an attractive young lady, but the man hands are more than a little off-putting, don't you think?

This post is cross-posted at Vince Aut Morire.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Friday Vespers

Hello and welcome Institute patrons to another action packed episode of Friday Vespers here at your Institute supercenter that stocks the largest selection of Fine American Think available anywhere in the free or oppressed world.

This is the time of the week where we put the stresses of capitalism behind us and knock back some liquid bread. First one is on the house.

The Ebb & Flow Institute Salutes the San Antonio Spurs.

Today we Salute the NBA champion San Antonio Spurs. The Spurs capped off a season that many experts believe began in late 1997, with a hard fought win in game 77 of a 77 games series over the Detroit Pistons. Here at the Institute we admire the Spurs, they aren't flamboyant, they don't run a lot of smack, they work hard, play as a team and they get the job done.

Salute Spurs.

The Spurs have many fans, including the star of some TV show we don't watch, Eva Longoria.

The Onlette™ celebrates her 100th day with the Institute.

In China it is a tradition to recognize a person's 100th day working for an Institute with a small party and gifts. On KJ's advice we have purchased a DVD of Disney's animated movie adaptation of Milton and Rose Friedman's, Free to Choose: A Personal Statement. No doubt it is one she will choose to enjoy over and over.


An Invitation to Cross-Post

Eric at Vince Aut Morire is going on vacation for a week and has invited me (among others) to cross-post at his site while he is away.

Admittedly, at first I didn't know what to say. When I was growing up back in Nebraska, cross-posting was unheard of. No one even talked about cross-posting, and it never occurred to me that one day I might be invited to cross-post. I am not saying that there weren't people around who lusted in their hearts to cross-post, but it certainly wasn't discussed in polite company.

Then, not to long ago I saw my good friend and internet radio partner, John, cross-posting at a site run by a guy named Ace. Yes, I was shocked at first, but I was also proud of John for courageously taking this public risk. You know what? No one seems to think any less of John for having done so.

So I am going to help Eric out and flagrantly self-promote my site by trying out this cross-posting thing. Be patient with me, I have never done this before. Well not in public anyway. I may have cross-posted in the privacy of my own home when my wife was away, but no one saw me except for my dogs. And dogs don't seem to care about cross-posting.

So here I sit at my computer wearing nothing but my best black leather crotchless chaps and high heels, trying to think of something to write.

Dog, not caring about cross-posting.

This post is cross-posted at Vince Aut Morire.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Dick Durban Home Torture Awards

1st Place-- The Blushing Marquis de Sade Award


I snuck onto my wife's computer, and changed her homepage to the Ebb and Flow Institute. She just got off the phone complaining to Amnesty International.

2nd Place--The Pol Pot Did This Too Award

spd rdr

I come home from work.

Congratulations to the winners. I would like to thank everyone who entered. Reading all your entries was torturous. So props for that, but these two really captured the spirit of the Durban Awards.

Eric, let me know where you want the razor wire shipped to.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

When Promotions Get Sticky

Snapple attempted to promote a new frozen snack with a publicity stunt in New York. It proved global warming is upon us.
The 25-foot-tall, 17 1/2-ton treat of frozen Snapple juice melted faster than expected Tuesday, flooding Union Square in downtown Manhattan with kiwi-strawberry-flavored fluid that sent pedestrians scurrying for higher ground.
Thank Goddess for the NYFD.
Firefighters closed off several streets and used hoses to wash away the sugary goo.
The event was unsettling.
"What was unsettling was that the fluid just kept coming," Stuart Claxton of the Guinness Book of World Records told the Daily News. "It was quite a lot of fluid. On a hot day like this, you have to move fast."
They should have used pudding.

h/t Unrepentant Individual

Wake Up You Sleepy Heads

This morning I woke my wife up by singing Funky Town.

Surprisingly effective.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Long Day

Today was a long day. I can't speak for anybody else, but today seemed like the longest day in I don't know how long. At least a year.


Hah! I was right.

A Preliminary Inquiry Into Flatuphobia

As many of you know, we have added the study of Grassroots Movements for Change into our already heavy workload at the Institute. One thing we have noticed is that most of these movements by their very nature lack mass popular appeal. One alrt spd rdr noted in a comment here that there may be a segment of our population that would be served by a Grassroots Movement for Change. In his words......

Medical Science has proven beyond a doubt that beans, beans are good for your heart. Gas Up for Healthier Lifestyles was organized to take back the business of men's fitness from the oppressive tyranny of matriarchal etiquette. Too long have men suffered under the yoke of so-called “civilized manners” that attempt to prevent Chili-loving men everywhere from carrying out their God-given right to vent methane in a public place! We at GUHL recognize this practice for what is: anti-health and anti-male. (Everyone knows that women never fart.)GUHL seeks to educate men everywhere to heed the clarion call of their ultimate self-expression! We will fight them in the elevator! We will fight them on the escalators! We will even take our fight to the churches of this fair land, trumpeting the rights of men everywhere to advertise their commitment to a healthy lifestyle! Join GUHL today so that one day your children can pass freely across the face of this earth.--spd rdr

Upon reading this I instructed the staff here to do some research on the subject, and frankly I was blown away by the untapped potential for a movement in this area. The idea has already caught on down under, as one Australian group is doing some important work. Australians Against Flatuphobia is serving as a support group for victims of flatuphobia as well as serving as an activist organization to end this hateful victimization.

Have you ever been in a situation where you have had a problem with flatulence and become a social outcast after just one mistake? For example, accidentally let one slip at a board room meeting and been demoted or even sacked. Ever broken wind at a religious service and been banished from all further gatherings. We are a support group who deals with these incidents of victimisation and provides victims with support, advice and encouragement. Our other major function to promote anti flatuphobia in Australia and breaking down the stereotype of flatulence in popular culture.

Their website has testimonials from victims of societies flatuphobia, including this one from a woman in Olinda, Victoria (spd, the potential for this movement includes the fairer sex as well).

"I had worked at Tobin Brothers in Croydon for five years. During one funeral I accidentally let one rip and sent the whole congregation into hysterics. But my boss didn't think it was funny and I was given notice a week later. They said the reason for my sacking was my poor attitude but I am certain it was due to my flatulence problem."

Gut wrenching isn't it? I can relate to this, sometimes as I lay in the fartsack at night I am haunted by a memory from 27 years ago when I was ostracized by my village for a minor transgression. I was ten, and attending the high school graduation of my other brother when a healthy diet, cheap metal folding chairs and a gymnasium with reverberating acoustics conspired against me. I found myself in a situation that I could not discreetly excuse myself from, so I tried to muffle one, like I would have safely done at home on my mothers sofa, but the metal folding chair was not as forgiving. In fact it served as an amplifier in a way that my knowledge of physics cannot explain.

You would not believe the angry looks and sideways glances I received. I thought the whole village was going to arrange a public trial and force me to wear a scarlet F for the rest of my life. I was shunned and humiliated. My only defense was that I couldn't help it, which I thought was a good defense, I mean, would I have done it a second time even louder if I could have prevented it? Even oldest brother On was giving me dirty looks telling me to cool it. I would have thought the man that discovered a nerf basketball was a great way to store the smell of flatuence for weeks, until it was needed, would be a little more understanding.

We at the Institute have reached the conclusion that a movement of this nature could have broad grassroots appeal and help clear the air to end the fear and ignorance that is so pervasive in our society. But since our mission at the Institute is to observe and study, not actually participate in society we can not actively lead this grassroots movement.

Other Related Sites For Your Study

Yapoo "The Fart" for all you ever wanted to know about farts but didn't know who to ask. Knowledge is power.

Farting Dog Harmonics - Farting dogs. Click on each dog to hear a different fart.

The Farting Survey--contribute to their research by taking the survey.

The Blue Dart Page--WARNING, this site contains graphic video of people igniting their flatuence.

The Gassy Girl-- this one is rather self explanatory.

Fun With Farts--free bulletin board and professional farting discussion groups.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Such Gentle Creatures You All Are

Perhaps it's because it was Fathers Day weekend, but I am surprised there are not more entries in the Big Dick Durban Torture Contest. I have extended the deadline to give more of you a chance to win the fabulous first prize of 100 yards of Gulag Grade Razor Wire.

Get down to the Friday Vespers post and enter, then we can get back to the high quality fresh material you know and love.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Big Story Weekend

The word on the street is that good friend of the Institute, Dan Riehl of Riehl World View will be on Fox News Channel's The Big Story Weekend, Saturday night at 9 pm ET. They will be covering the Natalee Holloway story and Dan has been on that like flies on stink.

Tune in, and then we can all make fun of him later.


I was hoping Dan would give me something to give him a hard time about, but in that respect he sorely disappointed. I knew when they said they had images from a suspects web site that had been pulled off the net after the suspect was arrested, that Dan was the one who captured the pages before they were yanked.

You did good Dan, you answered the questions honestly, refraining from speculation and hyperbole. In this day and age that is refreshing.

My only criticism is that if you are going to burp on national TV, you should have burped your url, a blogger must remember to self-promote at all times. The look on the Fox Newsbabe's face was priceless.

Dan looks just like I pictured him, Clark Kent good looks and all.

Beth has more details on the burping incident here.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Friday Vespers

Hello and welcome friends and neighbors, to a very special Tropical Gulag episode of Friday Vespers here at the world famous The Ebb & Flow Institute. This is the time of the week where we put the pressures of life behind us and enjoy a beer brought to us by a woman inexplicably crawling around on a tropical beach.

With this calender you can keep track of the number of days you have tortured or have been tortured. Whatever your thing is.

On today's post we celebrate the liberating historical wisdom of one Senator Dick Durban.

Him Smart!

Liberating you ask? You heard me correctly, thanks to Dick, ordinary Americans can release their inner despot. Before Dick, many Americans who possessed a vague understanding of 20th century history felt like they could not be the murderous, oppressive, communist/fascist tyrant they always dreamed of becoming.

A moment on achieving your dreams, if you will.

Now with Dick, blood, sweat and tears AREN'T what it takes to see your dreams come true, imagination, belief and expectation are what's needed.

Your dreams are not yours by accident. You have them for a reason, many reasons, not the least of which is to make them come true. Your dreams are what's meant to be... you just have to do your part... a mighty tall order when you lack Dick's keen grasp of history. With Dick however, you'll find that NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY BE EASIER than running your own detention/re-education camp.

Just look around the world today at the tyrants that force political dissidents into death labor camps. Are they smarter than you? Are they more deserving than you? Have they paid greater dues than you? NO. NO. NO WAY. Whether through their intelligence, or ignorance, usually the latter but it DOESN'T matter, they're actually torturing people, and now thanks to Dick, YOU CAN TOO.

An Ebb & Flow first of it's kind ever contest.

Be your own home oppressor. The person who has the best story of oppression and human torture will win 100 yds. of Gulag Grade Razor Wire.

Wow! Just the thing to put the finishing touches on your home forced labor camp.

Entry example:

Last night I set the thermostat to the Siberia setting. Mrs. On, who likes it warmer than I do had to put on a long sleeve shirt. A LONG SLEEVE SHIRT! This morning I swear I caught her googling Solzenhitzen. There will be no seconds of rice pilaf for her tonight. No sir, no way.

Remember, you can't win if you don't enter.

So Let It Be Written

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

Please, don't make Beth flash the lights.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Linked Up Dossier

Attorney comes back from the grave to grant interview with topless reporter. Bills Fox News one hour for legal communication.

Irritated monkey stuffs c-note in Hugh Grants hole, commerce clause goes international.


Man on fetus diet gives up caffeine, nicotine and beer for health reasons.

Horny Pygmy uses own spleen juices to concoct love potion.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Woodward on Larry King Live--A Transcript


Tonight, a prime-time exclusive. Bob Woodward and that other guy, the reporters who broke the Watergate story that brought down a presidency, in their first live prime-time interview since they got scooped by their legendary source, Deep Throat, when he suddenly revealed the identity they'd all kept secret for 30 years.

I want to talk about anonymous sources, do you think the use of anonymous sources has gotten out of hand?


Well Larry, I would have to say, under the circumstances, no. I would have to say........., no.


In the Vanity Fair article, where you were scooped, there has been substantial speculation about your clandestine meetings with Deep Throat in your bedroom.




Can you understand why people would worry about meeting anonymous sources in your bedroom?


Because they are ignorant of how journalists work.


But is it really appropriate for a journalist, to share a bedroom with an anonymous source that is not related to him at all?


That's a beautiful thing.


That's not a worrying thing?


Why should that be worrying, what's the criminal...who's Jack the Ripper in the room? There's some guy trying to heal an anonymous source .....


Did you ever sleep in a bed with Deep Throat?


No, but I have slept in a bed with plenty of anonymous sources.


But, is that right Bob?


It's very right. It's very loving, that's what the world needs now, more love, more heart.


The world needs a journalist who's sleeping in a bed with anonymous sources?


No, you're making it - no, no you're making it all wrong ...


Well, tell me, help me ...


Because what's wrong with sharing a love? You don't sleep with your anonymous sources? Or some other anonymous source who needs love, who didn't have a good childhood ?


No, no I don't. I would never dream ...


That's because you've never been where I've been mentally ...


Well, you know, there are some who would question whether it is really appropriate for a journalist - for a grown journalist - to be doing that? How do you respond to that?


I feel sorry for them because that's judging someone who just wants to really help people. Why can't you share your bed? The most loving thing to do, is to share your bed with an anonymous source.


You really think that?


Yahhh. Of course!!


Excuse me, I....


Next your calls, on tomorrows show Barbara Walters interviews me to kind of wrap up the week.

My apologies to almost everyone concerned. I am not sure why I did this, but I did it, and you read it.

Monday, June 13, 2005

When Colluding Conspiracies Collide

It has come to my attention that The Vast Left Wing Conspiracy (VLWC) has infiltrated The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy (VRWC) and leaked information allegedly obtained from an anonymous source, (always to be trusted) to a member of the media. This member of the media then used the information, salacious as it was, to sell a book.

On the face of it the information, being salacious and all, was intended to make a former President look worse than he already does; but, things are never so simple when it comes to the VLWC or the VRWC. What this will really do is make the VRWC look bad because they just can't move on from releasing information of a salacious nature about this former President.

So you see, the VLWC makes their side look good, by making it look like the VRWC is trying to make their guy look bad, thus making them look bad themselves, even though they didn't do anything.


Either that or some reporter is trying to make a buck by including in his book, unproven, uncorroborated material, straight from the gutter.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Milestones Unrecognized

In honor of the upcoming Juneteenth celebration, The Ebb & Flow Institute replays an important historic event.

The Condoleezza Rice Senate Confirmation Hearings.

HAGEL: We have troops in Iraq. You know that. I know that. Senator McCain knows that. What I know, and McCain knows, is that we don't have enough troops. What are you going to do about troops, I mean to say adding more troops? Can you give this committee some specifics? Of what you've stated, you framed clearly. I think we understand what you've said. I support what you're talking about, your objective. But how will that change from what we have been doing? Fewer troops? Less troops? More NATO troops? Or what will envision the change in what you're anticipating our role to be and connect that to an exit strategy?

RICE: You are aware that I am nominated to be Secretary of State not Defense right?

HAGEL: Might I point out that the goal here is quality face time. You are aware that I am not interested in your answers?

RICE: Yes.

HAGEL: Well okay then.

SARBANES: I think the secretary who adopts a unilateralist approach in the international environment may miss important opportunities to prevent conflicts and to build alliances. And in that regard I just note that it's not enough to have the ear of the president. I think the secretary of state must also win the ear of the world. Are you going to make friends abroad?

RICE: I already know an awful lot of people and until one of them dies I couldn't possibly meet anyone else.

SARBANES: Well okay then, let's talk about economics. I mean to say, it's pretty apparent what's happened here; an incredible deterioration in recent years in the U.S. trade deficit, and it's estimated that we're now running well over $600 billion a year; by far the largest trade deficit in our history.

RICE: You are aware that I am nominated to be Secretary of State right?

SARBANES: They've got a name for people like you Condi. That name is called "recidivism." Repeat offender. Not a pretty name, is it Condi?

RICE: No sir. That's one bonehead name, but that ain't me anymore.

SARBANES: You're not just telling us what we want to hear?

RICE: No sir, no way.

SARBANES: 'Cause we just want to hear the truth.

RICE: Well, then I guess I am telling you what you want to hear.

SARBANES: Girl, didn't I just tell you not to do that?

RICE: Yes, sir.

SARBANES: Okay, then.

KERRY: I say to unto you I understand more than a few things about the resistance we are facing in Iraq. I mean to say, I have recently met with some important European leaders. You're describing for me the different groups of terrorists. I know who they are. I have served two tours on the Senate Intelligence Committee, so I am well informed.

Some of them are criminals. Some are jihadists. Some of them are the former Baathists. Some are them are Zarqawi. Some of them are former members of boy bands. We understand that. The question I asked you is: What are you going to do -- why have we rebuffed the efforts of others to be involved, Russians, Indians offered peacekeepers -- rebuffed. The U.N. offered at a point in time. There have been a series of offers here and we keep, sort of, making this decision to rebuff. And there's a frustration out there in the global leadership that's sort of wondering, you know, whether we're going to change that rebuffing dynamic and bring them to the table in a legitimate way.

RICE: But, Senator, the only reason that I rehearsed who we're fighting is that there seems to be some confusion in that regard, and we don't need to bring people to the table, we need people that are willing to push away from the table and actually do something.

KERRY: The Germans say they could do more....

RICE: Yes, that is absolutely correct, they could do more.

BOXER: So in your statement, it takes you to page three to mention the word Iraq. Then you mention it in the context of elections, which is fine. But you never even mentioned indirectly the 1,366 American troops that have died or the 10,372 who have been wounded, many mentally.

RICE: I can rearrange my statement before it is entered into the record if you like?

BOXER: Well, you should you read what we voted on when we voted to support the war, which I did not read, but most of my colleagues did. It was WMD, period. That was the reason and the causation for that particular vote. But again, I just feel, you quote President Bush when it suits you, but you contradicted him when he said, Yes, Saddam could have a nuclear weapon in less than a year. You go on television, nine months later, and said, Nobody ever said it was going to be all WMD's and stuff.

RICE: Senator, that was just a question of pointing out to people that there was an uncertainty, that no one was saying that he would have to have a weapon within a year for it to be worth it to go to war.

BOXER: Well, if you can't admit to this mistake, I hope that you will rethink it.

RICE: Senator, we can have this discussion in any way that you would like. But I really have to know, what is up with your hair. Did you just roll out of the rack? Is rode hard and put up wet in style now?

BOXER: I'll have you know that this hairstyle focus grouped well with my base.

RICE: Well okay then.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Friday Vespers

Hello and welcome to another fact filled episode of Friday Vespers here at everyone's favorite institute of thinking. This is the time of the week where we put our troubles aside and relax with a beer. You can bring your own beer, or you can put one on my tab here, (if you are looking for an ice breaker with the bartenders, ask them if they know Pile?).

Tip to avoid heat frustration.

Keep your beer cold and in a pinch you can use it to cool down if you get overheated.

On today's show I am going to let you in on an important study we have undertaken at the Institute. I know what you are thinking, with all that we are working on here, how can we possibly start another study? Well, it would not be possible were it not a labor of love.

Circadian rhythms and their effect on internet viewing of nude art.

As many of you know from last weeks vespers, we are getting a substantial amount of traffic from people who appreciate fine art; this has given us the opportunity to study the daily rhythms of art viewing.

First we must explain what circadian rhythms are.

Organisms from flies to humans have daily circadian rhythms entrained with the 24-hour cycle of day and night that regulate many physiological systems. In mammals, there appears to be a master regulator of circadian rhythms in the hypothalamus, as well as additional peripheral mechanisms.

Your body has more than 100 circadian rhythms. Each unique 24-hour cycle influences an aspect of your body's function, including body temperature, hormone levels, heart rate, blood pressure, nude art viewing, beer drinking-- even pain threshold. Understanding how these cycles interplay is riveting. And, in some cases, you may be able to plan your day to take advantage of your body's natural rhythms.

If you examine this graph that charts the nude art viewing of a random sample of internet users (n=418); you will notice that the desire to view art on the internet is at its lowest at 5 am, with peaks at 10 am and 3pm.

The challenge for the researchers here at The Ebb & Flow Institute is trying to determine whether these peaks are related to the internal rhythms of our bodies art viewing needs, or whether these peaks coincide with the person in the next cubicle taking a smoke break.

Needless to say the staff is working on developing a statistical analysis that will compensate for the smoke break factor.

But that is enough science, enjoy your vespers secure in the understanding that we at The Ebb & Flow Institute are doing everything we can to expand the realm of human knowledge.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Truth Meet Fiction

One of these pictures is of a sub-human terrorist puppet, the other two are of a fictitious character from a movie.

Can you tell which is which?

Salute, to KJ and Hector for supplying the images I was looking for.

Blog Challenge Ubiquitousness

I was hoping BlogBot® would have posted something else by now, but it appears there are still a few bugs that need to be worked out of the software.

I have a challenge for you the readers of EFI. I have been looking for a picture from Team America where this character goes undercover as a terrorist. I want to do a side by side comparison of the puppetized character with the terrorist in the previous post by BlogBot®. I think the resemblance is uncanny. Makes you wonder what Parker and Stone knew, and just when they knewed it.


Speaking of other resemblanceses that are lacking in cann, check this out. Merri has quite an eye. No?


There is another internet challenge going on over at Pile On in Aught Ocho. I am a little torn in whether to bring this up, I don't want to give them too much encouragement, but they mean well, so I don't want to crush their little spirits either. So go on over and see if you can't help them out. Who knows, you might just win.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Al-Qaida #3 handed to U.S. from [Derka Derkastan]

[Derka Derkastan] officials stated top Al Qaida [jury deliberations] to the United States. The plan to issue a [jihadi] was announced after attorneys on both sides met in [shootout in northwest Derka Derkastan].

Al-Libbi is wanted for two assassination attempts against [13 year old boy] in December 2003. And it isn't clear what [popstar], if any, al-Libbi might face [AP-SANTA MARIA, Calif. Jun 8, 2005 ].

The [Mohammed jihadi derka derka] is expected momentarily.

[Posted by PostBot®] on Pile On's personal computer and log in.


Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Paris Hilton Not Spinning In The No Spin Zone

For the second time Bill O'Reilly will be covering the Paris Hilton in a Carls Jr. ad story.

Maybe this time he can get to the bottom of this important issue.

I don't know if it is in the Impact Segment or the Most Ridiculous Item of The Day Segment.

I will update as details warrant.


It was in the Factor Follow Up Segment. Of course.

The guest--Andrew Puzder CEO of CKE Resteraunts.


Families hate you, they hate you, hate you hate you hate you. Who are you trying to appeal to with this ad campaign?


18-34 year old males Bill, they eat a lot of fast food and they like Paris Hilton. There is also a segment of the 18-34 year old female population that looks up to Paris.


Look at this clip that we are showing over and over, I hope families are watching because we have been promoting this all day. Look at it Mr Puzder, Families won't like this. This is risky to be doing this isn't it? You could be turning a lot of people off with this ad.


Oh, I don't know, we had a woman on a bull ad that was kind of risky, and it worked.


Really, a woman on a bull.....send me a clip of that and we'll have you back on the show.

Oh, and bring Paris with you, I want to watch her eat a burger.

Patron Of The Arts

Monday, June 06, 2005

I Am Not Sure What I Think of This

My Friday Vespers post was picked up by a site called blogrunner that tracks blog references to the New York Times.

That is fine, and they do provide links back to my site, but they reproduce the whole post in it's entirety, pictures and all, so why bother clicking on the link?

It seems like a good idea, but a better execution would be something closer to what basil does, or that other guy, Instysomething.


It appears the photos are hot linked too. If I knew how to change one without changing the url I would say hello.


Last night I sent blogrunner the following e-mail.

Good evening,

I run a blogsite called The Ebb & Flow Institute and you have used an entire post of mine on your site. While I appreciate the links there is absolutely no reason for anyone to use the link when you provide my entire post.

Also you have hotlinked all the photos from my post using my server space everytime someone loads the page on your site. I have free server space provided by blogger so it is not a big issue with me but if you do that with another blogger who is paying for the bandwidth don't be surprised to find the picture changed to something you don't want to see on your site.

Pile On

I received the following reply.

Thanks for your message. Your entire post was picked up because it is part of your atom syndication file. I agree this is not cool if this is not what you want, and we will remove your blog from blogrunner. We're adding features to the site that will allow you to control how your postsappears on BlogRunner, but its not ready yet. Thanks again, sorry for the incident, --PL, BlogRunner

It seems they have taken down the pictures [eh, wrong Pile, that was temporary, they are still there and the location is unchanged] but the article remains in full. This was never that big a deal to me because blogger is free, but they provide it free for people who use their blogs. That is a decision the good folks at Google made and I am sure there is a business reason for providing it for free.

My concern was more about using my writing without permission (I have to protect my intellectual property you know). Most people use a snippet as a teaser and then provide a link for people who want to read it in full. That way the author gets the traffic and appreciates the promotion and the link. As of this writing I have received one hit from the site, far less than I have sent them.

So the moral of the story is, if you are going to take one of my posts in full, take a better one, not one I threw together quickly while trying to talk The Onlette™ out of a hunger strike.

Please Touch Base And Synergize A New Paradigm

As many of you know, self-improvement is something of a hobby of mine. To this end, I have decided to improve my writing skills in the next year. Like many a fine writer before me, I want to grab the bull by the horns, regroup, circle the wagons, get under the hood and add tons of fresh phrases to my prose. It is my humble opinion that, when all is said and done, at the end of the day, the bottom line is, where the rubber meets the road so to speak, this will make my blog much more user friendly.

When the blogging gets tough, the tough ask their readers to help them out, give me your two cents worth, let it all hang out and tell me how it is, think outside the box, it's all good. You know what I am saying?. Even if you are a long time reader first time commenter, your input is important to me , just run it up the flag pole and see if Pile salutes, then hang up and listen.

It is not that we have a problem in Houston, we are having a phenomenal first season blogging, but there is most definitely still a large hill to climb. I am just asking for your help to empower me to take it to the next level, to be on the cutting edge of blogginess. It isn't like this is rocket science or anything, we don't need to reinvent the wheel, but it would not behoove me to rest on my laurels, now more than ever I must remain vigilant, if you will.

I vow, with God as my witness to take your advice, suck it up, and give this blog everything I have got, even up to 110%.

Are we all on the same page here? If you think about it the return on investment will be exponential. It is a win-win situation.

Thank you for your support.

May Blog Sweeps Are Over

Now that the crucial blog ratings period is over you can look for some summer repeats here at EFI. For several reasons I am lacking in the time and creativity necessary to maintain my high standards of post quality and quantity. I had considered implementing the new technology of PostBot®, but it looks like I might want to wait until the manufacturers get the bugs out first.

So look for some classic EFI posts to be sprinkled in with some first rate new material. For those of you who have seen them before, enjoy them again for the first time. For the other 95% of you that are here to find nude art pictures, it will all be new anyway.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Saturday Night Live

That was 25 minutes of my life I will never get back.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Friday Vespers

Hello and welcome to another riveting installment of Friday Vespers here at the Institute. This is the time of the week when we go here and order a beer or chicken or perhaps a pillow fight and put the worries of the week behind us.

Today we are celebrating what turns out to be the last day of what was not meant to be the rest of my life. Huh you ask? Today The Onlette™ and I went to my office and I cleaned out my personal things while The Onlette™ entertained the office staff. We turned the page, so to speak, if you will.

It is daddy daughter day, so I am a little slow in getting Vespers posted, your patience is appreciated. The Onlette and I have noticed a marked spike in traffic to our humble little blog, and as much as we would like to think it is because internet users are getting wise to our brilliant in depth reporting on the important issues of the day, the facts show otherwise.

It appears everyone is looking for this picture that we posted back in April. That is right, the Institute has become a destination for art lovers.

So as not to disappoint, let us cover the news of the art world.

First there is more nude art. A picture is worth thousand words but if you want words you can find them here.

From the New York Times.....

Views of Human History, as Elegant as Ballets

Weasel fries, I fear, were just the beginning. Americans hated the French for saying no to the war in Iraq. Now some Europeans hate them for saying no to a constitution for Europe. Francophobia seems epidemic.

Good heavens, they never had me and then they lost me. Doesn't phobia imply fear? Who fears the French? I have provided a link, if you can read the whole thing you are a better something or other than I.

In other art news from the Times....

Everywhere's the Same: Nowhere in Particular

COLUMBUS, Ohio - There was a time when no matter where people were, they were always somewhere. Now we can find ourselves in places where we feel we are not anywhere in particular: airports, shopping malls, hotels, office building lobbies and other anonymous environments devoid of local identity.....

Wake me when you are through.

Finally in the Friday Gallery over at Say Anything you will find Jennifer Ellison. I don't have any idea who she is but she looks like the kind you take home to Mother.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Memo To All Bloggers Everywhere

From this day forward, any mention of the word "meme" in any context will be met with........

A Cold Blank Stare.

Thank you.

The self-imposed ban on that word is now officially back on.

Ban On The Word "Meme" Temporarily Lifted

I don't like the word meme. Meme has been memeing like a memescratcher through the memesphere. Soon all of our memeblogs will be memified, leaving them memedentical.

This in good conscience I cannot abide.

I bring this up because I have been tagged by KJ of the Cheese with a flaming meme meme. I would just ignore this memeage but I remember tagging KJ with a meme once. Sure it was less meme but it was a meme nonethelesser.

Five things I miss from my childhood.

1. Sports, baseball, basketball, football, that kind of crap. Not soccer, I grew up in America. I remember playing pickup baseball in a vacant lot where we had the ground rule that if you hit a ball off the shingles of the house in straightaway centerfield it was an automatic homerun. I think I would get in trouble if I tried that now.

2. Killing things. I used to be able to walk right through the middle of town with a gun, stroll into the country, kill things and return home with my kill, and as long as it was the appropriate killing season for the things I killed no one would think anything of it. I think I would get in trouble if I tried that now. It would be a long walk too....or perhaps it wouldn't.

3. Getting someone to buy beer and driving country roads with my buddies until it was gone. I think I would get in trouble for that now.

4. Chasing young Nebraska girls. I would like to think I would get in trouble for that now.

5. A Nebraska football Saturday when the sun is shining the leaves have changed color and the air is cool and not a car moving on the streets. I wouldn't get in trouble for this now, it just seems like light years away.

In an effort to make the memesphere a better place, I am not going to pass this on. I don't care about the bad luck, this is America you make your own luck. Besides all a man needs in this world is a little bit of brains and enough strength to pick himself up off the dirt.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Pile On's Astros Overcome Steroid Stigma

As anyone knows who blogged in this circle last September, Pile On is a Houston Astros fan. One well known former Astro, Ken Caminiti is an admitted steroid user. The Astros of today, however, are to be commended for not letting that stigma follow the team any longer.
“We’ve decided that we’re going to put restoring the credibility of the game ahead of winning and scoring runs,” said Astros outfielder Lance Berkman, who is hitting .216. “I think that if fans still think that players are using steroids, all they have to do is look at our offense and they’ll see there’s no way any of us could be cheating.”

Though I am not a Houston local, I think Biggio and Bagwell are class acts and stand up players. I probably join Pile On in wishing that they were not so dedicated to eliminating those nasty steroid rumors.

Why Not Why?

I hate it when people say "how come". Is there some problem with the word "why"? How come. Think about how stupid that really is. How come? Well, if you are across the room I might come by walking. If you are across town I might come by driving.

What is that all about? It isn't short for why. Why is three letters. Very easy to say. Why. Use it.

You know what I hate even worse? House come. House come ya done that Pile? I hate house come's guts and livers.

Prosecuting the Beautiful People

New information in the Jessica Lunsford case reveals that John Couey kept Jessica Lunsford bound and hidden in a closet for three days, while numerous house-mates, relatives, lovers, and professional drug users, lived the life of the hedonistic glamorous glitterati in the exclusive neighborhood of Snowbird Court.

This has turned into a high profile case that poses some unique challenges for the prosecutors.

First, access to money. Defendants able to live this kind of lifestyle often have large sums of money with which they can hire the best attorneys to defend them. Even if they have lived beyond their means and lack funds, the high profile nature of the case attracts attorneys looking for the publicity to make a name for themselves.

Next, the beautiful people often have access to the press, where they can spin and counter-spin the case to their advantage. Ordinary people don't have access to do interviews that might sway a potential jury pool.

In the Lunsford case prosecutors will have to overcome a constant stream of people who were house-mates with the defendant being interviewed in the media. The stories of the prurient good life being lived in Snowbird Court will be breathlessly recorded in the press engendering feelings of sympathy and quite likely the awe struck extravagant veneration of ordinary people who will make up the potential jury pool.

Yes, in cases like this one, the prosecutors will have to have their ducks in a row. People just won't be able to envision these lovelies committing such heinous acts.

Ducks in a row.

White Trash Wednesday

Hey, I did a WTW post (above) and didn't even know it. This stuff is getting to be like second nature (it is Wednesday right?).

For more WTW, visit these other participating sponsors. Tell them Pile sent you for a confused expression.

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