Monday, January 31, 2005

News Brief With Your Host Pile On®

Democrats Launch Pre-Emptive Strike

Top Democrats today launched a unilateral pre-emptive strike on President Bush's State of the Union address. Led by House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi the democrats rushed headlong into a poorly planned and ill-conceived unilateral assault on the upcoming speech, "You really don't have to have very good communication skills if you have a couple of hundred people who will jump to their feet when you recite the ABCs," Pelosi stated.

Top scholars at the Ebb & Flow Institute expressed their dismay at this "go it alone strategy" stating, "we think they jumped the gun a bit here, did they exhaust all diplomatic channels to settle this peacefully before rushing cowboy style into war? We haven't even seen the speech yet, couldn't they have given the inspectors a chance to do their jobs before this senseless expense of political capital"?


Democracy Eruption In Iraq Baffles Scientist

Democracy spewed forth from the earth yesterday in Iraq in what appears to be a first of it's kind natural phenomenon, leaving many top thinkers in Europe and Massachusetts baffled. "It just happened and we have no idea how or why," stated one leading expert speaking on the condition of anonymity.

This occurrence happened just months after the US led coalition turned authority over to a provisional government and a mere 22 months after an invasion and overthow of the brutal dictator Saddam Hussein, leaving many to wonder what might have been had Bush actually had "a plan" for the post war.


Institute Computer Dead At Age 5

In other news, the main computer at the Ebb & Flow Institute mysteriously died today in what is being called a "grizzly painful death". "We find it rather odd that this would happen on a day when the asshats are running amok and now time is short", Pile On stated. "It is curious, but we had no choice but to put her down", On went on.

Sunday, January 30, 2005

Sunday's Feelings

It is not the facts that matter. What matters is how you "feel" about events. This weekend left me feeling cold.

Here in Atlanta, the weather is dire. Global warming had the south braced for an ice storm. If you live in the Atlanta area and failed to buy milk and bread by Thursday, it was too late. Even though the ice is now gone, as predicted, every loaf of bread and every gallon of milk was gone by noon Friday. What is it about people buying milk and bread in anticipation of being home bound for one or two days?

You still think government schools are the way to educate your child? And this doesn't even address the idiocy of all of the "no tollerance" enforcement scandals.

Georgia legislation seeks to join the property rights abuses of governments serving as the lackies for developers. Not surprisingly, the author of the legislation is a developer (and a Republican). It just goes to show you -- you really have to think hard about who you will put in your government. Your government is the only entity that legally can do what it wants by force. Your local car dealer can't make you buy their car. The local developer can't make you sell your house to him. But you put those people in government, and they might, if they are so inclined, seek just that power.

In the land of our favorite Kitty Cat (Colorado) a college professor says that the people who died on 9/11 were not innocent people. In a later essay, he stated that "all those women who were raped in 2001 had it coming. Did you see the clothes they were wearing."

In the Kudos for Tough Love story of the week, two teenaged boys were turned in by their mother and aunt for burglary. The burglarly was discovered when the mother and aunt found and watched a video tape the boys took of the burglarly. A third person was also arrested. Not surprisingly, there was no mention in the article about the boys' father. Nonetheless, Kudos to Mom and Aunt.

Drudge Reports that the Latino Caucus of Congress has declined to endorse Gonzales for Attorney General. Advocacy groups for people of color just do not like it when their members start thinking for themselves and leave the liberal plantation. When asked for comment, Gonzales said, "Give a few hours to interrogate them, and I will get their endorsement." (I couldn't pass that one up.)

Clearing Acme

Final preparations for my expedition to capture the soul of America in Jesusland (see 1/25/05 post) were delayed while I awaited the arrival of my “Red State Expeditionary Outfit” from Gunga Dan Outfitters. Plus I had to clean up my room before I could go.

At last the precious package arrived and I quickly examined its contents:

1 Genuine “Bass Masters” baseball cap with big mouth fish appliqué

1 pair Oshkosh (by gosh!) Bib overalls

1 NASCAR T-shirt (Dan Earnhardt, Sr. commemorative edition in camouflage pattern)

1 Red bandanna

1 pocket Bible with Confederate flag on cover

1 tin Skoal tobacco

1 pair Red Wing steel-toed boots (backordered)

Hiding my disappointment at the incomplete order, I grabbed a pair of scuffed cordovan wing tips to complete the ensemble and crammed the gear into my Gucci overnight bag. After tossing the bag in the back, I carefully set my new computerized Personal Driving Assistant on the passenger seat of the Institute’s Hupmobile Cabriolet and took the PDA’s remote from my jacket pocket. I expertly punched the zip code of my destination into the remote: 3…9…4…8…0 and hit “enter.” I was immediately rewarded with the warm glow of a mild electrical shock and the sound of a drowsy female voice with a slight mechanical lilt, kind of like that bald chick in Star Trek I who melds with V-Ger to become a cyborg and later bonds with the young Captain of the Enterprise (not Kirk) to create some kind of new life form that blasts out in the universe in a blaze of energy. Like that.

PDA: Hmmmmmmm… Where are we going today, handsome?

Spd: Heh. Your supposed to tell me. You’re the Personal Driving Assistant!

PDA: (sarcastically) Men. Okay, master, be that way. Start the car and get going.

I had selected the “backroads” option on the PDA’s remote and soon we were winding down empty county lanes, the Hupmobile’s motor purring like a kitten in a blender. Before long Virginia’s charming horse country was behind us and the landscape became more agricultural – meaning “boring.” The hours flew past like the snow blowing past the windshield and drifint in spots. Traveling with the PDA was not unlike other trips I’d taken with family members: I agreed to stop every few miles so the PDA could “powder its nose,” and in turn was rewarded with crisply-worded directions.

PDA: Turn left …here!!!

Spd: Whoa! How about a little warning next time!

PDA: There’s a U-turn 2.7 miles ahead. I told you we were going to turn left.

Spd: No you didn’t.

PDA: Yes I did. It’s cold in here. Turn up the heat.

Spd: No you didn’t. I like it cold.

PDA: Yes I did. Can’t we at least listen to something other than sports radio?

Spd: When? I’ll turn it off. When did you tell me?

PDA: Just now. We never talk anymore.

Spd: Talk about what?

PDA: Us. Stop tailgating.

Spd: What “us?” There is no “us.”

PDA: (Sound of mechanical sobbing)

Spd: Oh don’t cry. Please don’t cry. I hate it when you cry.

After about 16 hours of this, and none of this, I was beginning to get concerned that my trip was never going end. Finally the PDA announced that we had arrived at my destination: Jesusland.

PDA: We’re here, master.

Ignoring the PDA’s sarcasm, I surveyed the small town as we slowly cruised its snow-packed streets. I was not at all what I expected a Red State town to look like. Where was the relentless sunshine beating down upon tar-paper shacks and satellite dishes? Where were the street corner revivalists handling snakes and speaking in tongues? Where were the burning crosses and cotton fields? And most shockingly, what had they done with all of the people of color? The only dark faces to be seen were those of the scores of Black Labrador Retrievers lounging on porches with geese in their mouths. Was I too late?

Spd: Where are we?

PDA: You’re supposed to tell me, master. You put in the Zip Code, remember?

Spd: But this doesn’t look anything like Jesusland. There’re people building freakin’ igloos out there! Now tell where we are!

PDA: Acme, Michigan.

Spd: ACME, MICHIGAN! What the hell are we doing in Michigan??? It’s a BLUE STATE for crying out loud!

PDA: I just liked the sound of it. It's very pretty here.


PDA: (sound of mechanical sobbing) You’re always criticizing me! The only time we ever talk is when you’re mad about something! (more mechanical sobbing).

I stopped briefly at Nanook’s Quick-Stop to buy a road map and lock the PDA in the trunk. Then I flipped the car radio to sports-talk and turned the Hupmobile southward…towards Jesusland.

Next: Oh, the banality!

Saturday, January 29, 2005

Winners - Great Karnak

The contest was off to a slow start, and as spd rdr said its a little harder than your run of the mill caption contest. However, people seemed to get the hang of it and some others found it with the help of some linking from OTB, (we must have some friends over there. )


First: McTrip
A : Hezbollah
Q : What the mono testicled terrorist was left with after the bomb went off.

Second: Duffer
A : Mephisto
Q : So what did you use to catch her eye Mr. Tyson ?

Third: Beloved Leader
A: Mouse Pad
Q: Where does Mickey live?

Best Political Bite

First: Greg
A:Mini-Me,Coffin Corner,and Barbara Boxer
Q:Name a runt,a punt,and a c**t. (even though I don't think 'coot' rhymes - editor)

Second: spd rdr
A. Clean sheets
Q. What Senator Byrd brought Dr. Rice's confirmation hearing.

Third: McCain
A. John Paul II, nylon, and Michael Moore.
Q. Name a Pope, a rope, and a dope.

And special thanks to Greg and McTrip for the many funny entries.

Right As The Mail

I feel I should update you all, since I quit live blogging yesterday rather abruptly I know some of you were concerned....I wonder if Pile is alright you were thinking, he sure has had a hard day. Not that anyone actually asked, but I have a sense about these things. Call it a third sense.

I am alright, thanks for your concern. In fact I am as right as the mail.

I did manage to find some quality TV to watch. It was my good fortune that the Trey Parker and Matt Stone 1998 epic Baseketball was on. Major league rivetation. I laughed, I cried, but most importantly I was riveted. And I learned some valuable life lessons.

Jasmine Bleeth won an Oscar for best supporting actress in this film for her breathtaking portrayal of Jenna Reed.

Friday, January 28, 2005

Smoking Employees

In the news recently has been a story about a company that has decided to fire its smoking employees (the term smoking is referring to smokers of nicotine products, and does not include certain Blog princesses wearing red nighties). The company is now working on its employees weight. I understand from the voices in my head, and an e-mail I received, that many people out there were wondering what KJ thought about this subject. Allow me to explain . . . no there is no time . . . let me sum up.

As a neo-Livid Terrier, I think each company should have the right to set its employment policies. Policies addressing smoking, obesity and other conduct related issues are directed to behavior, not immutable characteristics. I know of several studies, some mentioned in a more in depth LA Times article, that claim to show that non-smoking employees are more productive than smokers. This includes not only absences from work but time spent working. My anecdotal experience generally confirms that hypothesis.

I am not aware of studies on productivity and weight, though a similar outcome would not be surprising. For the record, I could stand (or run) to lose a few pounds. I do not blame genetics. I need to eat (and drink) less and exercise more.

I also understand and certainly believe that generally non-smokers and non-obese workers are less expensive health insurance wise.

Having supported the employers' right in this regard, I question how wise these policies are. Like all generalizations, there are individual exceptions -- of the 4 best legal secretaries I know off the top of my head (and I include productivity in the equation), 3 smoked. So it might be more costly to lose employees like that even given the possible increase in insurance costs. Whether the policy is wise or the most profitable solution, I do not know. Some number cruncher would have to answer that.

This is also an onion peeling problem. I use this term way too often and only a few other livid terriers use it. Anyway, our public policy has resulted and almost forced (not really, but tax policy makes any other approach difficult) most people to get health insurance from either the government or their employers. When employers don't provide it, or make employees share more of the expense, it get harder to keep employees and it causes people to request more government involvement. Of course, if the tax policies encouraged individual responsibility independent of employer sponsored health care -- yadda yadda yadda. My point is this -- these private activities are highly correlated to health care costs. Companies pay for insurance based in part on how big their claims are each year.

Surprisingly, liberal groups, those same groups that try to make smoking anywhere but the Grand Canyon illegal, are opposed to these policies and are seeking to pass legislation to stop this trend. The one consistency in their thinking - it is OK for the government to tell business owners what policies they can have. Do you want to let your costumers smoke at your bar? No, we will outlaw that for the health of the non-smoking alcoholics and bartenders. Smokers are evil people that hurt not only themselves but also those breathing the air around them. But, if you want to make your employees stop smoking everywhere, forget that, too. That is too "intrusive" for an employer to do. Only government can be that intrusive.

Bottom line: I don't think it is fair to tell employers it is their duty to provide health care then tell them they are out of line for demanding certain simple lifestyle choices that clearly and statistically affect the cost of that benefit. Plus, other than feeling intruded upon, there is little downside to quitting smoking or losing weight. Besides, no one has an obligation to employ another, and no one has a right to someone else's job.

At Weyco, four employees quit rather than take the urine test to prove they had quit smoking.
"If you don't want to take the test, you can leave," Weyers told Reuters. "I'm not controlling their lives; they have a choice whether they want to work here."
Mr. Weyers owns and runs Weyco. He has decided that his company will employ only non-smokers. Wise or not, his secular, private company should have every right to use non-race/gender/religious generalizations in picking its employees.

Live Blogging The Life Of Pile

Pile seems to be the topic of some conversation in the blogosphere this morning, and even though my life is like an open book here at the Institute there is still some mystery as to how I can make a living and make my rounds on the net. Well, all I can say is it takes dedication, commitment and hard work. I have that Midwestern work ethic thingy. It's a burden.

To clear things up, I will be live blogging my exciting life today.

7:10 am -- I don't feel very good, had a late night at a company awards party that spilled over into a pub afterwards. Don't think I'll be going into the office right away this morning. This should be okay, I was one of the first to leave.

7:30 am -- The lovely bride kisses me goodbye as she leaves for work.

7:45 am -- I fire up the computer, check my blog. Nothing new. Check Cass's blog. Always something new there. Discover people talking about me.

8:01 am -- Need coffee. Don't feel like making any but there is some left from yesterday. I can just heat it up in the microwave.

8:03 am -- Fricking microwave won't shut off. Piece of crap.

8:04 am -- Got the piece of crap to shut off.

8:30 am -- Feed dogs and get a piece of cake for myself. I like chocolate cake. It's good.

8:50 am -- Ruth Bader Ginsberg is swearing Condi in as SecState. She is short. Ruth not Condi. Condi towers over her. Cuz she is short. I am riveted.

9:30 am -- I feel sleepy. Take aspirin. Sentences are getting short. Can't think so good.


10:02 am -- Fox news is reporting the arrest of three Zarqawi aides. Hope they are making them comfortable. I would hate to think we would do anything to try and get information out of them.

10:14 am -- I wish Fox would show one of those car chases in LA., in my current mental state I think that would be riveting.


10:30 am -- I moved to the couch and channel surfed until I fell asleep.

11:17 am -- A call from a customer woke me up. Darnitall, don't they know I am not feeling well?

12:15 pm -- I made the decision to stop this nonsense. I have to go into the office and frankly this is just too intrusive. I need some privacy people, ya'll need to get your own lives and stop living vicariously through me.


2:45 pm -- Returned home from work, physically and mentally exhausted. These long days will be the death of me, such is the life of a workahaulic.

3:50 pm -- Woke up from a much needed nap and discovered there was a groundswell of popular support for my continuing the live blog. Peoples wants, peoples gets.

4:01 pm -- Went to Argghhh blog, tried to think of a funny caption and thank them for the argghh-alanche but my funny isn't working. So tired, but I must struggle on. The trash thingamajigger needs to be brought up from the street. Trash pick up was yesterday. The trash in the house really stinks. I think there are some scraps from tuesday's grilled salmon that have turned against me. If I can accomplish this I will reward myself with a nap.


4:50 pm -- Have you ever had a dog with an overactive anal scent gland? There are no words that would allow me to explain the experience to you if you haven't. I am thankful that humans communicate verbally and not with scent. I think Zoe was telling me I had spent enough time on the couch today.

4:55 pm --You want some funny? Go here. Hell is undergoing some expansion just in case there is a major natural disaster in the blue states and to prepare for the baby boomer generation.


5:07 pm -- The thing about going out on thursday is you forget about friday vespers. Salute to spd for reminding me. Cheers all. That might be just what the doctor ordered.


5:25 pm -- I am so bummed. I went to the CNN site to see if Bob Woodward or Angie Dickenson is going to be on Larry King tonight.....and he isn't on tonight. They are having a special on the Iraq vote. Like that is timely or important.

5:31 pm -- I decide to ask you, the readers to suggest something for me to watch tonight. I need my riveting TV fix. Please, maximum rivetation only.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

News Ebbs and Flows

In Medicine:

This guy did not know why he had a tooth ache. This guy did not know why he had a headache. I would hate to see the diagnostic films when these guys complaint about a burning sensation when they pee pee.

In Nature:

Nice rack. We will miss it for sure.

In Sports:

Once again, a black quarterback failed in the big game. But he was my team's black quarterback, and I can't wait till next year. Rush Limbaugh could not be reached for comment.

In Stupid Legal News:

This is why I bought a house without any restrictive covenants. How silly is that debate.

Different sex marriage. Sex change. Same sex marriage? Give me a break. This can't really be what we have to debate next.

Romantic? Pathetic? You decide.

Orlando man pays $17,000 for full page ad to save marriage.

One man's pathetic, cheesy ploy is another man's great scheme. We know about the thin blue line, and the thin line between genius and insanity. What about the line between devoted love and desperate stalker?
"Please believe the words in my letter, they are true and from my heart,"
read the ad in Tuesday's edition of The Florida Times-Union. "I can only hope
you will give me the chance to prove my unending love for you. Life without you
is empty and meaningless."

This is but one example of a man taking an unusual approach to save his marriage.

Do you know of any other extreme acts? Romantic? Pathetic? Insane?

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Strange Political Customs

WITH: PALESTINIANS-HAMAS CAMPAIGN: Scarfs showing late Hamas spiritual leader Sheikh Ahmed Yassin, left, and late leader Abdel Aziz Rantisi, both killed by Israeli forces, are for sale during a rally of the Hamas movement in the northern Gaza Strip
(AP Photo/Lefteris Pitarakis)

The Palestinians seem to have a strange custom of bringing out their dead as part of political process. In this country we choose only to trot out the politically dead like Al Gore or the politically undead like Bill Clinton.

Now, in the the spirit (100 proof) of cultural diversity the Institute has concocted designed this commemorative Milk Carton.

(Available only in Gaza. Quantities limited)

Elementary Oppression

Answer: McGraw-Hill defining marriage as a union between a man and a woman in a textbook as required by Texas law.

Question: What demonstrates a willingness to sacrifice the well being of youth for profit and further ingraining oppressive beliefs?

Think you can do better? Enter Rodney's contest below.

The Perfect Trial

Two teens enter a small grocery store. Its two sixty-two year old married owners are working the store. The teens quickly adorn face coverings, push the male owner against the counter and demand the money in the register. The man complies and is going to give them the money, but the first teen gets impatient. He says, "you are taking too long" and pulls a gun. The teen fires and shoots, and misses. Then his gun jams.

The man is probably thinking, at this point, that was a little uncalled for. So he pulls a .380 he had in his pocket. His wife decides that the teen's shot was a little rude as well, so she pulls a 9mm she kept under the counter. The teens retreat to the back of the store for cover.

Over the next few minutes, the parties held a non-jury trial. Winner - store owners. Losers - two teens. Punishment - death. An example of our court system reaching an efficient and just outcome.

Great Karnak Contest

I think my favorite Johnny Carson Schtick is the Greak Karnak. The Prognosticator or Clairvoyant that would provide the answer to a sealed question. Opening the sealed envelope always revealed a question/answer combination of great comedic value. I've even attempted to emulate this in some caption contests by having a caption state.

Picture revealed after the Great Karnak made the following pronouncement . . .

I don't think I've ever won with one of these. In the great pursuit of intellectually stimulating pastimes, I'm going to run a "Great Karnak" contest this week. Please provide your entries in the form of answer "A: . . ." and question "Q: . . .". I will determine next week some way to be bribed to determine winners.


A: Chicken Teriyaki
Q: Name the worlds oldest Kamikaze pilot

A: O Gee Whiz
Q: What do the Astronauts call the toilet on the International Space Station.
(I know, add 5 more points to my nerd index)

I would expect to see some entries on current events and not rehashes of Carson's old material

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

How Windmills Work

Ah, the winter doldrums. With ice and snow and wind-chill 5 below, it’s just about enough to make an otherwise “normal” man answer the doorbell with Cheese Doodles stuck in his nose to scare neighborhood Girl Scouts peddling their cookies of doom. After the third such warning from humorless “parents,” one’s mind turns to Institute business, and the prospect of warmer climes as a tax-deductible business expense. That’s right, an anthropological expedition into the wilds of a America unimagined by those without cable, and otherwise commonly known since third grade as a “field trip.”

The problem with all such expeditions is, of course, determining where to go. Applying the vast training afforded me by the Institute, I fashioned that, given the late unpleasantness of the Presidential election, the world would undoubtedly benefit from my research into that center of national equipoise that best reflects the values of a divided nation. Given the unpredictable hostility of certain Blue State denizens, I elected to capture the soul of America, such as it is, in the safer confines of Red State Jesusland. After nearly seven minutes of online searching, I selected a small southern town as the epitome of two fat guys on a see-saw after an afternoon keg. My course being clear, and the promise of warm weather and Delta Blues inviting, I made preparations for departure.

The first step to any trek into the vast unknown is to plan an escape route transportation. Fortunately, the Institute had a fleet of readily-available and eco-friendly vehicles at my disposal. Given my pre-disposition to hot women in tweed skirts, I naturally, choose the Hupmobile Cabriolet for my long journey into the sun-speckled southland. I knew that I’d have to pack heavy, so I ran down the official Institute checklist:

Radar Dectector? Brapp.

Cheese Doodles? Check and double check.

Cooler? Iced.

Credit Cards? Maxed, but untraceable.

Contraceptives? Glock 9MM, three magazines.

Pantyhose? Six pairs, Queen size, nude…(hey!)

Lackey? Um

I immediately grasped that as a general manager, I needed a foolproof, efficient device to locate said mediocre median town without risk of undue partisan calumny, and to accept entire blame should things going South go south. Since there was no device immediately available over the counter without a license, I turned to Cue, the Institute’s resident bar-fly and techno-magician.

spd rdr: Cue, I need your help.

Cue: Six ball side pocket, kiss the four, side. Whaddyawant?

spd: I need something to guide me into the deepest recesses of the Red State South.

Cue: Crap! Look at that leave! Seven ball off the three, one, no TWO banks in the far corner, Whaddyawant?

spd : I need something that…

Cue: Hey, Mug, you chalk that cue over the felt again and I’m gonna cut off your fingers! Whaddyawant?

spd : Have you got a GPS unit that I can borrow?

Cue: Two ball side. Yeah, but it ain’t finished.

spdr: Does it work?

Cue: Ya got me. One ball down, bank back for the six. You take your chances, hotshot. Whaddya need it for?

spd : I’m trying to find the soul of America.

Cue: Yadda yadda, you knuckleheaded spooks are all alike. Listen Einstein, I’ll loan you the unit, just don’t touch the red button.. Five ball cross corner, and that eight is my cherry.

spd : What does the red button do?

Cue: Nobody knows. So don’t touch it.

spd : I’ll take it. And try to control that tobacco juice, will you? It’s, well, disgusting.

Thus armed, I sped home clutching the precious device close to my chest, which of course made shifting the ancient Hupmobile’s “three on the tree” with my knees a much less efficient mode of travel. Arriving home after experiencing more than a few incidents of “road rage,” I raced into the house to inform my wife of my impending departure. I found her, as usual, hunched over the kitchen table engrossed in the New York Times crossword puzzle, her ink-stained fingers fervently gripping a large coffee mug. She did not return my loving gaze.

spd: Honey? I’m off for an expedition.

Ms. Rdr: Good.

spd: I don’t know how long I’ll be gone. It could be several days.

Ms. Rdr: Better. What’s an eleven letter word for “walking with a Greek teacher?”

spd: Peripatetic. I am going to seek out the soul of America.

Ms. Rdr: You’ll need a map.

spd: No I won’t.

Ms. Rdr: Yes you will.

spd: No I won’t. I’ve got the latest and greatest in technological achievements right here.

I whipped out the svelte 36 by 24 by 36-inch device that Cue had provided and laid it on the table. Ms rdr glanced up briefly and offered her endearing sneer before returning to her puzzle. A moment of silenced passed while she filled in the small squares before her.

Ms. Rdr: What the hell is that?

sps: It’s the world’s first and only computerized Personal Assistant and Zero-Negativity Advisor, or “PANZA” to grace this planet in four hundred years!

Ms rdr: What the hell is that?

spd: PANZA is a combination Global Positioning System and driving companion. All I have to do is input the Zip Code of where I want to go and the PDA guides me there automatically. Plus it’s got a built-in hologram generator that can produce up to three human images within a fifteen foot radius, so I can cruise hassle-free down any HOV lane in the country!

Ms rdr: What’s an eight letter word for “easily deceived?”

spd: Gullible.

Ms rdr: You’ll need a map.

NEXT: On the Road Again

Naked News Stories

Richard Hatch, whose 15 minutes of fame as the naked, gay and first "Survivor" winner was arraigned on charges of tax evasion on Tuesday. He failed to declare more than $1 million in earnings. Ooopsie. He was released after surrendering his passport and paying a $50,000 bond.
The charges against Hatch carry a maximum sentence of up to 10 years in prison and a $500,000 fine.

Aside: It is anticipated that he will plead guilty -- to being fabulous.
Police in Houston, Texas have built strong cases against several "brothels" by shedding an old rule prohibiting officers from getting naked. Apparently these businesses were advertising themselves as day spas, lingerie modeling studios, massage parlors and "stress relief clinics." Who knew?

Ted Wilson said the department's ability to pose as naked clients was particularly useful.
"It helped," Wilson said on Monday. "It's something they can do, if necessary, to gather sufficient evidence."

Wilson went on to explain, "sometimes we have to return several times a day to build a strong case."

Aside: Many of the arrested women may face time in a women's prison. The Institute will be there to watch their back.
Finally, a man in Kentucky once made a living in the naked business as an adult book store owner. He was charged with obsenity, converted to Christianity, then changed his business into a religious book store. The property is now for sale. Why? Lack of sales.

Aside: I wish I could tell you what the moral of that story was.

EFI Evening News With Your Host Pile On®

Hillary Clinton Blames Bush for Abortions

In a speech at a pro-abortion rally Hillary stated "In the [first] three years since President Bush took office, eight states have seen an increase in abortion rates and four saw a decrease."

Twisted statistics aside, one has to wonder if young women take into consideration who the president is before making the decision to terminate their pregnancies.


Hamas to Suspend Attacks Upon Conditions

A spokesperson for Conditions speaking on the condition of anonymity stated unconditionally that conditions "refused to guarantee it would not pursue militants, but has said it will respond to calm with calm".


Listening Device Found Near Kidman's Home

SYDNEY, Australia (AP) -- Detectives are investigating an electronic listening device that was allegedly planted outside Nicole Kidman's Sydney mansion, police said.

A police spokesperson speaking on the condition of anonymity stated, "we don't get it, a webcam, yeah, that would make sense, but a listening device?"


Paige Davis leaving as host of TLC's 'Trading Spaces'

New York - Paige Davis is moving out of TLC's "Trading Spaces."

The perky host of the popular TV show about couples who redecorating each other's homes is leaving, the cable network announced Monday. TLC said Davis' departure is part of a spring transition to a hostless format.

So, if I have this right it will just be people redecorating each others houses? No cute perky host?

Good luck with that.

Paige Davis


****News Update****

50% Percent of Afghanistan's Jewish population dies in a single day.

Fears of genocide were put to rest when the other 50% stated "I never liked that son of a bit** anyway"

Sh*thouse at Pipingrad

One good thing about blogging at the Institute is that I might feel freer to post some things that I wouldn't feel all that free to post at Wizbang or at OTB. Outside of some very loose guidelines that boil down to: Don't do anything Stupid or Bring your own beer things are pretty open here. James at OTB had much more concise guidelines that boiled down to: "Do pretty much whatever you want." However, I do not feel inclined to do too much to change the nature of James site.

Sh*thouse at has been around for a while and every once in a while a couple of more strips show up. So if you've seen it, too bad. If not it's worth going over once or twice. some of these are bad taste, but most are hilarious. There's some other stuff at the site too, but nothing quite as good.

It Seems Like Only Yesterday, But Then Who Is Keeping Track Anyway

It was a dark and stormy night when Billy Budd posted the winners of this years Bulwer-Lytton first line of a bad novel contest. I know many of you take great joy in this contest, as it has inspired literary genius that comes along, if not once in a lifetime, then at least not very durn often.

Go see the top ten at American Dinosaur here.

Oscar's Phone Does Not Dial 911

Oscar nominations have been announced, and Michael Moore's propaganda fest Fahrenheit 9/11 was shut out. Although this would normally be surprising, given the Academy's love for Moore historically, including an Oscar for his previous movie, Bowling for Columbine, it was probably Moore himself that caused the snub. In an effort to up the ante and promote the film, Moore decided to withdraw the movie from consideration for best documentary -- not because it was a propaganda film full of misleading information -- but because he wanted it to get nominated for Best Picture. Well, that strategy backfired. Actual movies, though three of them are biographic (The Aviator, Ray, and Finding Neverland), were nominated instead.

The winners in terms of nominations - The Aviator (11), Million Dollar Baby (7) and Finding Neverland (7). Since I haven't yet seen any of the nominated movies for best picture, I strongly believe that Million Dollar Baby should win. Clint Eastwood is a stud filmmaker, and Morgan Freeman is a great actor.

Snubbed for best picture were the best movies I saw this year: The Village, The Bourne Supremacy and Shrek 2.

Jamie Foxx pulled off a rare double nomination - for best actor in Ray, and best supporting actor in Collateral. I did see Collateral on a hotel TV. I regret to inform you that it did not suck. I am always a little disappointed when Tom Cruise movies do not suck. Forturnately, he does not disappoint me too often.

So who got the nod in the documentary category? Morgan Spurlock's "Super Size Me," probably the favorite, chronicles a month long all-McDonald's diet. Also nominated was "Born into Brothels," "The Story of the Weeping Camel," "Tupac: Resurrection," and "Twist of Faith." Sadly, not one best picture or best documentary film focuses on the state of women in prison. After interviewing the staff at The Institute, we have decided that no one really cares about the documentaries anyhow.

Cruel and Unusually Vacant -- Why is Prison Suddenly so Tough?

The news is abuzz with issues surrounding alleged cruel and unusual punishment, which is apparently mentioned somewhere in the Constitution, probably next to that provision granting the right to sodomy. As the Ebb & Flow Institute's Honorary Chair of the Department of redundancy Department of the Ebb & Flow Institute, we here at the Institute are greatly concerned about the goings on in our criminal justice system. For that reason, we have engaged in a great deal of research by watching dozens of women in prison movies.

In more recent news, wardens have engaged in some incredibly cruel treatment of largely innocent prisoners just trying to follow reasonable rules.

In Misery, I mean Missouri, the Warden has banned all video games, even games with rehabilitative potential.

Meanwhile, at GitMo, our Federal government is denying Islamic prisoners their religiously protected right to terminate their own life.

In Wisconsin, they are so cruel that after years of hormone therapy, poor Donna Dawn Konitzer, f/k/a Scott Konitzer, may never know the joy of touching his, her, uh, own female genitalia.
Meanwhile, it isn't getting easier to enforce the law either in order to send women or even men to prison.

In Las Vegas, the right to know the law is apparently enough to thwart the BushReich's anti-lap dance law. The money argument?

City attorneys told Loehrer touching is illegal when dancers engage in
contact aimed at sexually arousing the customer. But defense lawyer James
Colin argued the lack of specifics makes it impossible to enforce the law.
"It's too confusing," Colin said. "No one knows."

I'll bet that Mrs. On and Mrs. J know.

Not to be out done, a fetus recently argued that imprisonment in a jail while residing inside the mother that killed the fetus's would be sibling was unconstitutional. Somehow, the Judge ignored that poor fetus's rights, probably citing Roe v. Wade.

It isn't getting any easier for lawmakers either. In Israel, female legislators, not satisfied with having a career that allows them to make child support harder to avoid, also apparently want to wear red and not be compared to hookers. The rabbi making the comparison was later heard to say that "all Muslims are not suicide bombers, but all suicide bombers are Muslim. And all women that wear red may not be hookers, but all of the hookers that I know wear red." Cassandra, who looks smoking in red we are told, could not be reached for comment.

Finally, in Tennessee, wear nothing sucks like a Big Orange, Democratic state senator John Ford is simply too busy to engage in lawmaking, what with supporting two houses, paying a sexual harassment judgment, and taking care of 5 children in two families and all. In a remarkable coincidence, "the Memphis Democrat heads a Senate committee that guides the state's child welfare policies, and for the past year he's tried to make use of a law he authored that keeps court-ordered support lower when a father is financially responsible for other children."

The legal system is a tough place to navigate. Wear a helmet.

The staff's concern for women's prison conditions results in long hours of research.

More Oppressive Action From An Out of Control Attorney General

In these last few days of the Ashcroft regime, it is important to remember some of the high profile law enforcement gaffes and fiascos that have occurred under his watch. Since he has done nothing but arrest and convict terrorists, and there haven't been any gaffes and fiascos, I thought this update would be appropriate.

As a leader in the world in promoting freedom, it follows naturally that Clintonista and Reno would raid a Miami house to return a child to the dictator Castro after his mother died bringing him the U.S.

Monday, January 24, 2005

How Big Of A Nerd Are You?

Q: What's your nerd score?

A: If you think that would be a good pick up line, your score will be quite high.

I am nerdier than 6% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!

Ebb & Flow Salute to the mid-rank 77 nerd Margi Lowry.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Johnny Carson RIP

Johnny Carson has passed away at age 79.

I can still remember the warm summer evenings when I was allowed to stay up late enough to watch The Tonight Show. I loved his unassuming style and his dry wit. With a pause and a facial expression he could turn a bomb of a joke into magic. Maybe it is a Nebraska thing, but his style had a big influence on me, I will miss him. There will never be another like him.

If you didn't get Johnny, keep it to yourself, negative comments will be deleted with a vengeance.

The Importance of Being Really, Really Earnest

Eat it.
Having been recently elevated to Minister of the Black Arts and Pseudo-Sciences here at the Institute, I believe it is only fitting that my first official act should be to pledge my allegiance to The Blogger’s Code of Ethics. High standards are important to the business of Journalism, as we have repeated learned from Dan Rather and Jason Blair, and every well-meaning blogger should adhere to this Code as well, lest they wind up making a complete laughingstock of themselves before a world-wide audience. Therefore, before I begin my Ministerial duties, let me outline a few of the Code’s more important aspects that will be rigidly adhered to during my brief tenure.

Bloggers should be honest and fair in gathering, reporting and interpreting information.

Bloggers should:
• Distinguish factual information and commentary from advertising and shun hybrids that blur the lines between the two.

I just had to have a Coke™ and a smile© when I read this particular advisory. Hard-hitting journalism, such as that found here at the Institute, often requires that the writer balance the public’s right to know with our alumni donor’s right to get their money’s worth. Institute visitors can Rest Assured®, however, that whenever they kick back with a bowl of everyone’s favorite snack food© and a frosty beverage to read the analysis and commentary here, that what you will get isn’t commercial filler, but is all the news, True™ and unvarnished.

Ethical bloggers treat sources and subjects as human beings deserving of respect.
Bloggers should:
• Recognize that gathering and reporting information may cause harm or discomfort. Pursuit of information is not a license for arrogance.

Here at the Institute, we make sure that, not only are all creatures are treated like human beings, but that they are all comfortable, too.

Bloggers should:
• Disclose conflicts of interest, affiliations, activities and personal agendas.
• Deny favored treatment to advertisers and special interests and resist their pressure to influence content. When exceptions are made, disclose them fully to readers.

Here at the Institute, personal integrity is Job 1®. But more importantly, our integrity produces results. In the interest of full disclosure, let me list some of the many satisfied clients the Institute members assisted during the last year:

The Boston Red Sox;

George Bush;

Roger Clemons;

William Hung;

Donald Trump;

and many, many more.

The Institute stands ever ready to aid all those in need, 24 hours a day, 7 days days a week.* Call or write today for details on how we can help you too. And remember, you're in good hands with Allstate.®

In sum, let me just promise on behalf of the Institute, that this is the longest post that will ever appear under my by-line, but the subject of journalist ethics for bloggers was simply too narcissistic to pass up.

* When you sign up for the Blogtastic® Premium Plan. Minimum one year pre-paid subscription. Not available in all time zones. Certain restrictions may apply. Check your shorts.

** Thanks to McFreedom for the news stroy/advertisement.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Meteorite Found on Mars

Tests confirm
Mars meteorite

LOS ANGELES - In a stroke of luck, the NASA rover Opportunity has discovered a basketball-size metal meteorite sitting on the surface of Mars, the mission’s main scientist said Tuesday.

Interesting picture of a non-martian origin meteorite found on Mars. I'd first seen information on this at the Astronomy Picture of The Day site. It amazes me that we can fly something to Mars and then find something that came from somewhere else. (Other than the piece of heat shield that looks like a Yugo rusting by the side of a road)

Friday, January 21, 2005

The Delicate Nuance Of International Diplomacy

Dick Cheney on Imus in the Morning.

If, in fact, the Israelis became convinced the Iranians had a significant nuclear capability, given the fact that Iran has a stated policy that their objective is the destruction of Israel, the Israelis might well decide to act first, and let the rest of the world worry about cleaning up the diplomatic mess afterwards.

Ya got your carrots see........then you got what they call over at State "the stick".

EFI News Release

The Ebb & Flow Institute
January 21, 2005


The Ebb & Flow Institute Awards Honorary Fellowship To Three Distinguished Personalities

The Ebb & Flow Institute has awarded Honorary Fellowship of the Institute to three distinguished blogosphere personalities. They are spd rdr, KJ and Rodney Dill.

The Honorary Fellowship was awarded to these three personalities in recognition of their significant contributions to the blogosphere over the past years.

"This is the first time in the history of the Ebb & Flow Institute that such awards have been granted as this privilege is extended only to distinguished personalities who have attained a senior level of experience and expertise in their blogging contributions" stated the head of the Institute Pile On.

Mr. On added, "the work load here at the Institute has gotten quite heavy, and since the lovely bride and I are expecting our first child in early March it seemed like the right time to expand the Institute. These gentlemen are heavy hitters so it goes without saying that it takes some large stones for me to offer these Fellowships."

Mr. On went on, "they are free to begin making contributions to the web site as soon as they settle in. The amount of their contributions, and their areas of research are completely at their discretion. We are offering them a free hand to do with as they see fit".


Thursday, January 20, 2005

Killer Chomsky In The White House Hooka

The P. J. O'Rourke article linked below got me thinking about whether it truly would be possible for George Bush to unite the country with his inaugural address. Now having heard his speech, I don't know why his broad themes of freedom, liberty and human dignity wouldn't unite us, but I doubt they will.

So just what kind of speech would reach out to the bittermans on the left? I think to truly reach them, the President would have to dispatch with his usual manner of speaking in clear and coherent phrases and adopt the style of the linguist and icon of the left Noam Chomsky. To that end I have taken a few key portions of Bush's speech and ran them through the Institute's Chomskinator.

At this second gathering, our duties can be defined in such a way, as to impose an historical viewpoint, quite distinct in nature yet abstract from the underlying order. For a half a century, America expanded it's imperialistic hegemony, it may be then, that, this can be regarded in the global community, as a natural general principle that will subsume this case. Presumably, most of the methodological work in modern governance, cannot be arbitrary in the notion of a general convention regarding the nature of international diplomacy.

We have already seen that whole regions of the world simmer in resentment, notice incidentally, that, an important property of this resentment can be considered quite apart from this analysis, and is not to be regarded as a characteristic of the underlying order. Tyranny as we have come to know it, is considered sectionally, yet is unspecified with respect to our own complicity therein. Note that, individuals, prone to ideologies of pro-American intolerance, may remedy and, at the same time eliminate any associated supporting element. However, this assumption is not correct, since it is not subject to this selectionally introduced contextual feature.

As a consequence of the approach just outlined, there is only one force of history that can break the reign of hegemony, and is apparently determined by the scope of a complex symbol. Let us continue to suppose that, the earlier discussion of deviance is unspecified with respect to our actions in this regard. We are led by events, and once again it must be pointed out that this delimits any nondistinctness in the sense of distinct feature theory.

The survival of liberty in this world, increasingly depends on the success of liberty, nevertheless, it must be emphasized, once again that, this analysis is to be considered in the context of the definition of liberty, a case of semigrammaticalness of a different sort. Conversely, we have already seen that liberty can be defined in such a way as to impose a stipulation to place constructions into these various categories.

For any transformation of liberty, which is sufficiently diversified in application, requires a descriptively adequate grammar. Let us continue to suppose the expansion of freedom, to be of any interest to a subset of liberal principles that preclude the requirement that it does not affect the structure in which we view the world.

Another consequence of the approach outlined above is that America's vital interests, and our deepest beliefs are necessary to impose an interpretation upon the actions of those, whom nevertheless are disparate in so far as the vital interests can be considered, through ordinary extraction, is not quite equivalent to a parasitic gap construction.

Summarizing then, we assume from the day of our founding, we have proclaimed that liberty, as defined by the theory of syntactic features developed earlier, with this clarification, the levels of acceptability can be considered irrelevant by the system of base rules exclusive of the intentions of governance. Across the generations, we have proclaimed the imperative of self-government, yet this suggests that self-governance can be considered separately from the previous discussion of hegemony. However this assumption is not correct, since it has not been established that the method of interpretation regarding the underlying conventions reaches a level of acceptability to be considered a strong generative capacity of this assumption.

Nevertheless, it appears that I thank you, which is unspecified with respect to definition but correlates rather closely with the termination of this speech.

A Moment Of Quiet Reflection

John Kerry & John Edwards

Please join us here at the Institute in taking a moment to thank the Higher Power of your choice, (that would be the one true God if you care to give credit where it is due) that these two gents are not being sworn into office today. We truly are a blessed nation.


Wednesday, January 19, 2005

An Alternative Inaugural Address by P.J. O'Rourke

I don't think P.J. is going to get a gig as a Presidential speechwriter any time soon, he may be over-qualified.

A few excerpts......

MY FELLOW AMERICANS, I had intended to reach out to all of you and bring a divided nation together. But I changed my mind. America isn't divided by political ethos or ethnic origin. America isn't divided by region or religion. America is divided by jerks. Who wants to bring a bunch of jerks together with the rest of us? Let them stew in Berkeley, Boston, and Ann Arbor.

The media say that I won the election on the strength of moral values. If the other fellow had become president, would the media have said that he won the election on the strength of immoral values? For once the media would have been right.

We are all sinners. But jerks revel in their sins. You can tell by their reaction to the Ten Commandments. Post those Ten Commandments in a courthouse or a statehouse, in a public school or a public park, and the jerks go crazy. Why is that? Christians believe in the Ten Commandments. So do Muslims. Jews, too, obviously. Show the Ten Commandments to Hindus, Buddhists, Confucians, or to people with just good will and common sense and nobody says, "Whoa! That's all wrong!"

But jerks take issue with every one of the Ten Commandments. Jerks are particularly offended by the first two Commandments. Of course people of faith, decent people, differ on interpretations of the first two Commandments. For example, we don't all agree about the meaning of "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image." However, we do all
agree about "Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them" when them is Freud, Marx, and Dan Rather.

"Honor thy father and thy mother." Are telling lies about a bankrupt Social Security system and trying to block its privatization reform ways to do this?

"Thou shalt not commit adultery." The jerks have begun praising marriage lately. But only if the bride and groom each have a beard.

Go read the rest here.

An Ebb & Flow Salute to Rightwingsparkle, go check out her site here.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Excerpts From The Rice Confirmation Hearings

Dr. Condoleezza Rice

HAGEL: We have troops in Iraq. You know that. I know that. Senator McCain knows that. What I know and McCain knows is we don't have enough troops. What are you going to do about troops, I mean to say adding more troops? Can you give this committee some specifics? Of what you've stated, you framed clearly. I think we understand what you've said. I support what you're talking about, your objective. But how will that change from what we have been doing? Fewer troops? Less troops? More NATO troops? Or what will envision the change in what you're anticipating our role to be and connect that to an exit strategy?

RICE: You are aware that I am nominated to be Secretary of State not Defense right?

HAGEL: Might I point out that the goal here is quality face time. You are aware that I am not interested in your answers?

RICE: Yes.

HAGEL: Well okay then.

SARBANES: I think the secretary who adopts a unilateralist approach in the international environment may miss important opportunities to prevent conflicts and to build alliances. And in that regard I just note that it's not enough to have the ear of the president. I think the secretary of state must also win the ear of the world. Are you going to make friends abroad?

RICE: I already know an awful lot of people and until one of them dies I couldn't possibly meet anyone else.

SARBANES: Well okay then, let's talk about economics. I mean to say, it's pretty apparent what's happened here: an incredible deterioration in recent years in the U.S. trade deficit, and it's estimated that we're now running well over $600 billion a year; by far the largest trade deficit in our history.

RICE: You are aware that I am nominated to be Secretary of State right?

SARBANES: They've got a name for people like you Condi. That name is called "recidivism." Repeat offender. Not a pretty name, is it Condi?

RICE: No sir. That's one bonehead name, but that ain't me anymore.

SARBANES: You're not just telling us what we want to hear?

RICE: No sir, no way.

SARBANES: 'Cause we just want to hear the truth.

RICE: Well, then I guess I am telling you what you want to hear.

SARBANES: Girl, didn't I just tell you not to do that?

RICE: Yes, sir.

SARBANES: Okay, then.

KERRY: I say to unto you I understand more than a few things about the resistance we are facing in Iraq. I mean to say, I have recently met with some important European leaders. You're describing for me the different groups of terrorists. I know who they are. I have served two tours on the Senate Intelligence Committee, so I am well informed.

Some of them are criminals. Some are jihadists. Some of them are the former Baathists. Some are them are Zarqawi. Some of them are former members of boy bands. We understand that. The question I asked you is: What are you going to do -- why have we rebuffed the efforts of others to be involved, Russians, Indians offered peacekeepers -- rebuffed. The U.N. offered at a point in time. There have been a series of offers here and we keep, sort of, making this decision to rebuff. And there's a frustration out there in the global leadership that's sort of wondering, you know, whether we're going to change that rebuffing dynamic and bring them to the table in a legitimate way.

RICE: But, Senator, the only reason that I rehearsed who we're fighting is that there seems to be some confusion in that regard, and we don't need to bring people to the table, we need people that are willing to push away from the table and actually do something.

KERRY: The Germans say they could do more....

RICE: Yes, that is absolutely correct, they could do more.

BOXER: So in your statement, it takes you to page three to mention the word Iraq. Then you mention it in the context of elections, which is fine. But you never even mentioned indirectly the 1,366 American troops that have died or the 10,372 who have been wounded, many mentally.

RICE: I can rearrange my statement before it is entered into the record if you like?

BOXER: Well, you should you read what we voted on when we voted to support the war, which I did not read, but most of my colleagues did. It was WMD, period. That was the reason and the causation for that particular vote. But again, I just feel, you quote President Bush when it suits you, but you contradicted him when he said, Yes, Saddam could have a nuclear weapon in less than a year. You go on television, nine months later, and said, Nobody ever said it was going to be all WMD's and stuff.

RICE: Senator, that was just a question of pointing out to people that there was an uncertainty, that no one was saying that he would have to have a weapon within a year for it to be worth it to go to war.

BOXER: Well, if you can't admit to this mistake, I hope that you will rethink it.

RICE: Senator, we can have this discussion in any way that you would like. But I really have to know, what is up with your hair. Did you just roll out of the rack? Is rode hard and put up wet in style now?

BOXER: I'll have you know that this hairstyle focus grouped well with my base.

RICE: Well okay then.

Europe Declares Victory Over US

AIRBUS unveiled its A380 superjumbo in a glitzy ceremony today at which the leaders of France, Britain, Germany and Spain hailed Europe's victory over the US as the new king of the commercial skies.

When it starts flying commercially early next year, it will become the flagship of many airline fleets and offer unprecedented amenities on long-haul services, including, in some cases, gyms, bedrooms and bars.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Spotlight On Grassroots Movements For Change--CODEPINK

As many of you know, we at the Ebb & Flow Institute have taken it upon ourselves to stop not knowing jack about grassroots movements for change. Today we take a look at CODEPINK, an anti-war group that will be protesting the inauguration of George Bush.

Who are they? CODEPINK is a women initiated grassroots peace and social justice movement that seeks positive social change through proactive, creative protest and non-violent direct action.

Founders include Jodie Evans of Bad Babes, Medea Benjamin of Global Exchange and Gael Murphy.

What do they want? We call on women around the world to rise up and oppose the war in Iraq. We call on mothers, grandmothers, sisters, and daughters, on workers, students, teachers, healers, artists, writers, singers, poets and every ordinary outraged woman willing to be outrageous for peace. Women have been the guardians of life—not because we are better or purer or more innately nurturing than men, but because the men have busied themselves making war. Because of our responsibility to the next generation, because of our own love for our families and communities and this country that we are a part of, we understand the love of a mother in Iraq for her children and the driving desire of that child for life”.

Did they leave any women out? I would hate to think they left anyone out.

What is up with the super clever name? The name CODEPINK plays on the Bush Administration’s color-coded homeland security advisory system that signals terrorist threats. While Bush’s color coded alerts are based on fear, the CODEPINK alert is based on compassion and is a feisty call for women and men to “wage peace.”

What else do they do besides grassroots organizing? Besides grassroots organizing Stateside, CODEPINK women have traveled to Iraq where they helped to establish the Occupation Watch Center.

Website Highlights

Our leaders tell us we that we can easily afford hundreds of billions of dollars for this war. But in the United States of America, many of our elders who have worked hard all their lives now must choose whether to buy their prescription drugs, or food. Our children's education is eroded. The air they breathe and the water they drink are polluted. Vast numbers of women and children live in poverty.

If we cannot afford health care, quality education and quality of life, how can we afford to squander our resources in attacking a country that is no proven immediate threat to us? We face real threats every day: the illness or ordinary accident that could plunge us into poverty, the violence on our own streets, the corporate corruption that can result in the loss of our jobs, our pensions, and our security.

They seem to have gone out of their way here to prove the point that grammar education has eroded.

Activist Training Camp Point by point informaition{sic} on creating your own training camp.

Rally tools Songs & chants, sign ideas.
I really like the 12 days of fascism and the CODEPINK rap.

CODEPINK Songbook!

Anti-Hummer Campaign Learn how you can get Hummers off the road, and promote fuel efficiency.

PINK Links
I may have to check out Baring Witness - women baring it all for peace, all around the world. This organization was founded by Donna Ohm Sheehan and Paul Reffell, authors of Redefining Seduction: Women Initiating Courtship and Partnership.


As usual when I shine the spotlight on a grassroots movement for change I send them a few questions I would like to have answered. If I receive a response, I will share them in another post.


My name is Pile and I am writing about grassroots movements for change, you seem to have a good one. It would be helpful for my research if you would answer a few questions.

What do you feel is the biggest impediment to succussful organization of a grassroots movement?

You are protesting the inauguration of George Bush, does this mean you are opposed to democracy, or do you feel the outcome of the election was fraudulent?

Do you think the Iraqi citizens would have been better off in the long run if the US had not invaded and they continued to live under the rule of Saddam Hussein?

Do you like pudding?

Is this America's Future?

Do you want to order a pizza? Order it from the ACLU.

Yes it is funny, but also ironic that if this comes to pass it will be because of the ACLU and their fellow travelers on the left.

Ebb & Flow Salute to KJ.

Friday, January 14, 2005

The Good The Bad & Pile

There has been some reporting of the Clint Eastwood comments to Michael Moore at a National Board of Review awards dinner where Clint threatened to Kill Moore if he showed up at his house carrying a camera.

Since I attended this dinner, I was surprised at how much the news coverage left out, so I thought I would share the entire exchange with you here.

Eastwood: Michael Moore and I actually have a lot in common - we both appreciate living in
a country where there's free expression. But, Michael, if you ever show up
at my front door with a camera - I'll kill you.

Eruptions of laughter

Eastwood: I mean it.

Laughter becomes more nervous

Pile: So Mr. Eastwood, you are not a fan of Moore's work?

Eastwood: A man's got to know his limitations.

Moore: Clint, I have no beef with you, in fact I enjoy your mindless jingoistic films.

Eastwood: Listen, punk. To me you're nothin' but dogshit, you understand? And a lot of things can happen to dogshit. It can be scraped up with a shovel off the ground. It can dry up and blow away in the wind. Or it can be stepped on and squashed. So take my advice and be careful where the dog shits ya!

Moore: Don't you lecture me, you son of a bitch! Do you know who I am? Do you know my record?

Eastwood: Yeah... you're a legend in your own mind.

Pile: Mr. Moore, do you have any plans to film Mr. Eastwood at his home for one of your documentaries?

Moore: Well, I have been considering a project that I would like to include Clint in, but my intent would not be to show him in any unflattering way.

Eastwood: Well, when a fat man come on your property with intent to commit slander, I shoot the bastard. That's my policy.

Pile: Intent? How did you establish that?

Eastwood: When a fat man trespasses on your property with a camera and a hard-on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross!

Pile: He's got a point.

Moore: I think you misunderstand the importance of my work, a man has to do something these days to earn a living.

Eastwood: Dyin' ain't much of a living fat boy.

Moore: Fine, I will add you to my list of people who have given me death threats, but don't worry, I won't be showing up at your house to shoot any footage.

Eastwood: That's mighty phat of you.

Moore: You really are a dirty son of a bitch.

Eastwood: The dirtiest.

And that really is how it went down.

Ebb & Flow MLB Steroid Pool Contest

Who will be the first Major League Baseball player to violate the new growth hormone policy?

To enter the contest enter your selection in the comments section. One entry per contestant, if you wish to change your entry please note that your are canceling a previous entry, failure to do so will mean the first entry will be considered your official entry.

Entries will be accepted at any time up until the news breaks of a violation. If the judges deem contestant had advanced knowledge of a violation, the entry will be disqualified.

Comments section will be archived in a super secret lock box at the accounting firm of Anderson Touche & Whinney.

Winning entry will win fabulous Ebb & Flow Institute gear from the Visitors Center Gift Shop at the Institute.